Just a kiss
by OncePeetaHermione
Summary: War is raging. Families are crumbling. Romance is blooming. - Jily and the Mauraders
1. Chapter 1

**Just a kiss**

"Oh shut up Lily, it wasn't that funny." Marlene McKinnon grumbled as her close friend, Lily Evans, chortled loudly and stumbled into her as they were leaving the great hall. Unable to control her laughing, to the point where her legs were giving way, Lily looped an arm through Marlene's and attempted to calm herself down.

"Oh, but, Marly! Your face when-" Once again dissolving into giggles, making her disgruntled friend huff loudly, Lily mentally applauded the evil genius behind the prank at dinner.

It had been a long while since she had laughed this much, what with the combined stress of starting her N.E.W.T classes the previous term, as well as spending a stressful Christmas with her family. The announcement of Petunia's engagement, and the 3 days her dad had to spend in hospital between Christmas and New Year's had turned what she had hoped would be a nice time out from her relentless schoolwork and commitments, into a living nightmare.

In fact, her horrid Christmas break was most likely the only reason Marlene had not yet hexed Lily into oblivion. She did not allow herself to ever be the butt of a joke, much less allow her friends to laugh mercilessly at her. But seeing Lily not only smile, but dissolve in laughter softened her attitude as only 8 hours earlier a shadow of her best friend had arrived at platform nine and three quarters.

Throughout the entire train ride, followed by the ride up to the castle Lily had been reserved and pale, despite her friends attempts to cheer her up. She had been subdued during the feast up until the point when all the brussle sprouts in the hall had turned into green, croaking, jumping frogs. Lily, who had despised sprouts from an early age, had as per usual avoided them. But Marlene and countless other students had to endure the food on their plate being splattered all over them. The unfortunate circumstance was that Marlene had speared a brussle on her fork only moments before the spell was cast and with mouth wide open, had her transfigured food jumping onto her face, half into her wide open gob. The spluttering and tongue scraping and spitting that ensued was what had brought Lily back to reality, and out of her crushing worries and fear for her family.

"Glad to see someone enjoyed the fine dining," a male voice said from behind the girls who turned to see a smirking Sirius Black, his hands pushed deep into his pant pockets, and his hair looking decidedly windswept. "We decided on French tonight, how were your frog's legs McKinnon?"

As James, Remus and Peter arrived behind Sirius, who Marlene was unsuccessfully berating; Lily tried to push away the image of a startled Marlene with a live frog hanging out of her mouth. She had always tried to minimize being seen laughing about the Marauders jokes in front of James. His obsession with her had ceased last term, and she didn't need to go giving him any encouraging ideas that she suddenly approved his immature behaviour. And hysterically laughing at one of his pranks, might do just that. Or at the very least, it might make his over inflated cocky head expand to an even greater size.

As the 6 Gryffindor's walked up to the tower, Sirius turned to his mates. "What's the damage?" he asked.

"Separate detentions, you're with Filch, tomorrow at 7." Remus informed him. "McGonagall was NOT impressed. '_It's about time you four grew up, enough with this nonsense, I don't want to see this behaviour continue!'" _ Remus imitated in a heavy Scottish accent.

The boys laughed heartily, Marlene and Lily sharing a discrete smile at the expense of their teacher.

"Well it was worth it!" announced Peter. "Did you guys see Mulciber? I swear I saw him take a _bite_ out of one of the frogs!"

"Oh is that what all the spitting and swearing was behind me?" James chimed in with a short bark of laughter. "I thought one of the Slytherins had been told they were distantly related to a muggle with the way they were carrying on…"

"Oh god forbid!" Marlene begun facetiously, "The family tree will forever be tarnished."

Sirius grinned and continued her charade, "the whole lot of them ought to be disowned, torn from their fortune!"

Lily rolled her eyes and slowed down to walk with Remus. "You're looking well," Lily noted, appraising her friend.

Remus, his eyes glancing towards James who was only a few steps in front of him chatting with Peter, blushed slightly and cleared his throat. "Yes well, I had a relaxing break. How about you? Did you have a good holiday?"

Lily sighed shakily, having fended off this question all day as she had caught up with all her friends. Marlene, Dorcas and Hestia had all been extremely persistent in getting a straight answer out of her, but there were others who were more detached and polite, like Remus who would allow her simple replies. "It was… busy. My sister got engaged, and yeah my parents were thrilled obviously, but I'm not a fan of the guy. The break could have been better, in other words."

Remus nodded, possibly remembering one of the many rants about her sister that had slipped out during rounds. "Some people just have no taste," he replied, making Lily smile slightly.

"I guess he's not so bad. He will do right by her. He really does love her I guess, and that's important. I mean, sticking around after finding out that your fiancés sister is not just a freak, but a legitimate witch means there must be some sort of love or devotion in their relationship."

Remus and Lily's pensive silent was interrupted by Peter, "who thinks who's a freak?"

"Nobody Pete" Remus replied, rolling his eyes

"Oh come on, tell me the gossip." He pleaded as he and James slowed to walk with the two prefects.

"Jeez Peter, your such a girl!" James butted in, diverting his friend's attention. "Who do you want to go spreading rumors to? I heard some of the seventh year girls have spa parties in the prefect bathroom on Sunday nights, I'm not sure they'd let you in to chat though."

Blushing, Pete muttered, "I'm just curious."

"Yeah well butt out of Evans' business, she'll tell you if and when she wants it spread all over Hogwarts."

"Yeah… okay, Sorry Evans." Peter mumbled, shooting Lily an apologetic smile, before darting away from James' chastising glare.

"God sometimes I hate Hogwarts," Lily mumbled to the two boys walking beside her.

"Nah you don't" James immediately, "all your favourite people in the world are right here at good old hoggy warty Hogwarts! Marlene, the girls, Remus" He said listing them off on his fingers before shooting her a winning smile and adding, "Me," to his list.

Lily rolled her eyes and sent a pointed glance to Remus, "Jeez Lupin, the company you keep. How do you manage not to get smothered by their ego?" she asked sarcastically with a hint of a smile when James pushed between them and draped his arms haphazardly around the two of them.

"You love me!" he grinned

"Sure" Lily replied slowly before ducking away from his arm and through the Fat Lady's portrait which Marlene had left wide open for her.

Catching her friend near the base of the stairs, she turned around and waved to the boys. "Night all" she cried out to them, before pulling Marlene away from an enthusiastically chatty Sirius.

…

Walking into their dorm, they were met with the sound of retching coming from the loo attached to their room.

"Oh god no…" Marlene groaned, covering her ears, and walking over to the far end of the room and opening a window.

Worried, Lily steeled herself, preparing for the sight, smell and sound of someone spewing like an open hydrant.

Tapping lightly on the door, she murmured, "Dorcas? Are you alright?" before cracking it open slightly. Hunched over on the floor, Dorcas was clutching a chamber pot to her, as Hestia brushed her hair soothingly, with a nauseated look on her face.

"Oh Lily, good. Chris and I had a fight, and I came up straight after the frog incident, and – um… will you sit with her for a bit? I will go get some water."

Nodding knowingly at her friend, Lily moved to take her place by Dorcas, petting her hair and rubbing her back soothingly, she murmured gently, "do you still have no idea what it is?"

Sobbing lightly into the pot, Dorcas shook her head 'no'

"Do you think you can make it down to the hospital wing? That calming draught Madame Pomfrey gave you last time worked alright didn't it?"

As her friend made to reply, an ashen look crossed her face, and she stuck her head back in the pot. Lily, swallowing hard, rubbed her friends back and held her long hair.

When Dorcas had finished, Lily _scourgify_–_ed_ the pot and lifted her friend to the small counter, and leant her weak body against the mirror. Passing Dorcas her toothbrush and toothpaste, Lily found a cloth and wet it. As she sponged her friends face and neck, in an attempt to comfort her, she mumbled to her friend.

"Don't worry, we will figure out why you've been so unwell. Maybe it's something you've been eating. If you still feel sick in the morning we will get Pomfrey for you.

Dorcas spat out her toothpaste into the sink, and shakily stood up. Lily's arm went around her and walked her back into their room and over to her bed. Fully clothed, Dorcas climbed in and curled up in a ball.

When Lily came out from the bathroom 5 minutes later in her pajamas and with the cleaned chamber pot to put next to Dorcas' bed, Hestia had returned with the pitcher of water.

"And then, he said all Gryffindors are the same, immature, short-tempered and 'weak of mind!'" she was sharing with Marlene and Dorcas, from where she sat perched on the sick girls bed. "And I mean, of course I blew up. He didn't just insult me, but all my friends. And I mean, it's totally unfounded, some of our year's smartest people are in Gryffindor!" she added with a pointed glance towards Lily.

"What are you looking at me for?" Lily scoffed. "Apart from my natural talent in potions – which has nothing to do with Severus before anyone says anything – I'm completely average."

Marlene, letting out a derisive snort from where she was sitting on her bed, reading a romance novel, muttered something that sounded a lot like, "yeah, right."

The girls stayed awake for an hour discussing the unfortunate dissolution of Hestia's relationship with Ravenclaw, Christopher Oakwood. And for that hour, Lily did not think once about her sister, or weddings, or hospitals or her dad's ill health. When she woke the next morning she felt all the more better for it.

She managed to make it through breakfast, defense and break without anything more than an uncomfortable niggle in her stomach, but it was during Arithmancy that trouble struck. And as usual, it was in the human form of James Potter.

He had walked into class with a big smile on his face, and dropped down into the chair beside her. As they were the only Gryffindors doing 6th year Arithmancy, she had cautiously allowed him to take the seat next to her back in September, under the stipulation that he let her focus on her work. And truthfully he had been very good so far, only talking to her before and after class, and during group activities. Of course there was the occasional sarcastic note pass when their 25 year old Professor, who was in her first year of teaching, blundered through a topic. But Lily had been satisfied enough with his behaviour to not kick him to the spare desk in the back left corner of the room. Besides, seeing marauders alone without their group of friends surrounding them is a strange sight that Lily didn't think she could survive two years through. Plus, James was very good at Arithmancy, and not horrible at explaining the trickier concepts that even Professor Vector struggled with.

"Hey Lily" he greeted her enthusiastically with a big grin.

She smiled back gently. "Hi Potter. How was your Christmas?"

"Really good, my parents got me a new broomstick, and the boys came to stay. We played heaps of Quidditch and went to the New Year's Day charity Christmas match, it was great." He shared eagerly, before sobering and asking her gently, "How about you? I heard what you told Remus last night, about your sister. But did you do anything else?"

Lily averted her eyes away from him, towards the front of the classroom, _where was Professor Vector? _"Yeah, look it wasn't the best break, but Christmas day was alright, and I had a decent New Year's Eve" she spoke slowly, trying to scrounge out the few positive moments of her holiday.

James was silent for a few moments so Lily looked over at him. He was staring at her with a gentle, worried smile. He opened his mouth to ask something else, but Lily was saved by Professor Vector running into the classroom, looking frazzled and apologizing profusely to the class for her tardiness.

As Vector began her lecture, Lily tried to pay close attention, but the knots growing in her stomach at the thought of her family was distracting.

Ten minutes into the lesson, James pushed a piece of paper over towards her and she looked at it.

_You can tell me anything you know? I'm good at keeping secrets._

Rolling her eyes slightly and pushing down the worries inside of her that were starting to creep up her throat she replied: **Thanks, but no thanks Potter, I have my own friends to tell important things to**

_We aren't friends?_

**Sorry to burst your bubble – but no**

_Oh, well… you can still tell me if you need to vent, I solemnly swear I won't tell anyone. _

**Good to know, too bad there's nothing to tell**

_Well if that's not the biggest piece of shit I've heard (read) today I don't know what is…_

**Excuse me?**

_Something is obviously wrong with you Lily_

**I'm fine**

_No you're not, you look like you are about to cry._

**Yeah, because you won't stop bugging me**

_That's never upset you before now, please tell me what's wrong, I'm really worried about you_

**No I'm not telling you anything, you are not my boyfriend Potter – no matter how much you wish you were! Leave. me. alone.**

James read her last line with a scowl and wrote furiously across the page before shoving it at her, and turning his seething attention towards professor Vector.

_I'm fully aware of that fact Evans. But who has the big head now, there's a reason I haven't asked you out in over six months and it's because I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT! But I thought we were FRIENDS and friends accept support from each other, especially if it looks like they're about to have a mental breakdown. And even though I don't have a sister like you, I still have family problems of my own. I just thought I might be a nice person and sympathize with you. But sorry – I forgot – I'm a big headed prat, and will definitely leave you alone in the future!_

Lily read his message cautiously, but it cut her deep. She folded the parchment in half, and placed it back on James' side of the table, before picking up her quill again to take notes.

However his last message kept running through her mind. And all she could remember was the worst of her holiday.

…

"Oh and we plan on getting married next September in the autumn, we both love the season and the leaves turning will look excellent in photos of course. And we will have only the best. I'm thinking of getting a dress personally made, as well as flowers from that exclusive shop in London 'fleurs de l'Angleterre' and we want to invite at least 200 people." Petunia had said gazing up into Vernon's beady, watery eyes not thirty minutes after dropping the news of her engagement on her financially struggling parents.

Lily had sat there wondering if she was expected to ask for a weekend away from Hogwarts, or if she just wasn't invited.

…

"Harold! Harold!" Lily had heard her mum yell loudly from downstairs.

Running, she had taken the stairs two at a time, and ran into the kitchen and froze at the scene. Her dad was passed out on the floor, breathing shallowly; Petunia was on the phone her eyes startled as she rattled off their address to emergency services. Her mother, cradling their dad to her chest was weeping and rocking. Lily had no idea what to do.

"Don't just stand there freak!" Petunia had screeched across the room after hanging up the phone. "Do something! You have magic don't you? Well for the first time in your life, do it for something useful."

As Petunia attacked Lily, their mother raised her eyes hopefully in Lily's direction. Confused at Petunia's sudden push for her to do magic, she stuttered only a "t-tuney… I can't… I don't know how." Which of course was met with a superior huff from her sister, who replied, "then _what_ do they teach you at that school" and stormed off.

…

"Are you having a nice time?" a boy with sandy brown hair and blue eyes asked her as she refilled her punch glass.

"Yeah I am" Lily had replied with an honest smile, the first after two weeks at home.

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"Lily Evans" she replied with an outstretched hand.

He took her to dance in the middle of the party filled with kids she went to primary school with. She had had a pleasant evening, despite the fact that her mother forced her to go to said party. The pair danced until midnight, when he kissed her, right as the count down begun. It was pleasantly enjoyable.

But once the New Year had been celebrated, he had pulled her to the side. "So," he asked placing his hands tightly on her hips. "Your place or mine?"

She had raised her eyes and said she wasn't leaving the party until her mum came to pick her up. The boy had shouted at her, pulled her to the corner of the building and pushed her up against the wall. He kissed her roughly, felt her up, and pinned her arms down when she went for her wand.

"Just go with it, you'll enjoy yourself" he had said before she had gotten enough leverage to hike her knee up and smash it into his balls. As she had run away from him, and out to her waiting mother, he had screamed profanities at her. Every painful word she had ever heard, but one. Mudblood. Here she was just a tease, frigid, and a bitch. She didn't know what was worse.

…

As all these recent memories swam in her vision, Lily struggled to keep her tears at bay. She fought them off as Vector finished her lecture and begun explaining the exercises she wanted them to attempt that day. But as the teacher walked around the class handing out the question sheets and graded essays from last term, Lily made eye contact with James briefly, and it all bubbled to the surface. She clapped a hand to her mouth as the first sob made its way out. James looked at her alarmed at the sounds she was trying to cover up. Taking in her crumbling face, he grabbed her shoulder and urged her out of her seat.

"Go, find somewhere private. I'll make something up for Vector."

She didn't even bother to grab her things before bolting out of class.

"Where did Evans go? I wanted to discuss her essay with her" Vector said, making her way over to James' desk.

"Uh, she said she didn't feel well, and then bolted. I was talking to her roommate earlier and she's been having some tummy trouble, maybe Evans caught it?"

"Hm… well she should have asked to be excused." Vector mumbled, looking nettled.

"Honestly Professor, she looked like she was about to burst. It's probably best she left. I don't know about you, but if I so much as hear someone retching, I can't help but join in." James said, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

* * *

(updated for grammatical issues on the 8/2/15 - sorry if I've still missed some parts...) **Anyhoo - I hope you enjoyed chapter 1 of this story which is my version of how Lily and James grow together :) please review/follow/favorite if you enjoyed it! **


	2. Chapter 2

James strode into the great hall after Arithmancy, his eyes scanning the crowd of students for the particular shade of red hair he loved so much. As suspected she was nowhere in sight. Sighing, he walked over to his friends and slumped down beside Peter. Groaning slightly, and burying his face in his hands, James re-lived his disastrous attempt at being friendly to Lily. He shouldn't have pushed her.

"I take it Arithmancy was particularly wonderful today, eh Prongs!" Sirius grinned sarcastically across the table, before nudging Remus in the ribs, and nodding to James. "Look Moony, guilty expression and Evans' bag on his shoulder, this should be a good story!" he snorted.

Rolling his eyes, Remus leveled James with an exasperated gaze. "It's the first day back James. What _did_ you do? There are only so many times I can defend you and your erratic behaviour, before she starts getting pissy at me as well."

"I was just trying to be friendly…" James replied, a scowl on his face as he violently stabbed a potato with his fork.

The boys laughed at his petulant attitude and Peter, his mouth full of food, chortled, "I think you trying to be 'friendly' has always been her issue with you mate." This of course sent Sirius and Peter into further states of mirth as James grunted in displeasure.

"James-" Remus begun from across the large vat of beef stew, "what _did_ happen…? She did seem a bit off yesterday; please tell me you weren't harassing her again! I thought you'd grown out of that."

James remained silent for a moment, sending Remus a piercing glare. "So what if I did?" he replied petulantly. "Something was clearly upsetting her. I was worried!"

Rolling his eyes, and pulling out his potions essay to proof read, Remus murmured something along the lines of "you're killing your chance with her by caring too much."

…

Lily wasn't in potions after lunch, despite it being her favorite subject. Hestia and Dorcas had pestered him for details on Lily after they saw he was carrying around her bag. Marlene and Sirius were once again too busy flirting outrageously to notice the slight dilemma their friends were dealing with.

…

She wasn't at dinner either and James felt like more of an idiot with every minute that passed.

James pushed his steak and kidney pie around his plate, eating half-heartedly as he watched the entrance to the hall. Eventually Sirius, sick of his mate's behaviour tossed a piece of thick parchment at him over the table. "For Merlins sake Prongs! She's not coming, go find her. I can't enjoy my meal with you behaving like some love sick, heartbroken puppy."

James glared but grunted in thanks before standing up, heaving his and Lily's bags onto his shoulder, and grabbing a large slice of chocolate cake from a dessert platter in a napkin.

In a secret passageway just off the entrance hall, James opened the parchment Sirius had piffed at him, and murmured "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" before searching for Lily on the rapidly forming map.

He found her on the seventh floor sitting beside a full length bay window that gave her a spectacular view of the Hogwarts grounds. She was making bubbles with her wand, and worrying her lip between her teeth. She looked more put together than she had earlier, but there was a worrying wrinkle on her forehead that James knew made an appearance when she was trying hard to control her emotions. Whether it be anger, frustration or despair, that wrinkle always alerted him of her inner turmoil.

Lily refused to look at him as he approached her and settled himself on the floor beside her, but smiled lightly as he placed the chocolate cake down on the floor in front of her.

James broke the silence first. "So, here's your bag Evans." He spoke jovially, plopping her heavy satchel down beside her slice of cake. "I took the liberty to place your homework assignments inside of it. I'm sure you will be thrilled to know that Slughorn assigned a 12 inch Essay on Felix Filicis – due Monday. Also, you got an E on that last Arithmancy paper, Vector said some of your calculations were off. But don't worry, you'll have a chance to redeem yourself in the next essay, because it's dead easy." James rambled as Lily picked at her cake silently.

"Also-" James continued, not missing a beat. "I'd like to take this moment to apologize profusely for my behaviour during Arithmancy today. I was out of line and I shouldn't have tried to push you into telling me what has been bothering you. That is your business. I also apologize for the things I wrote in that last note. I was rude, and it upset you. I'm sorry."

When James finally shut up, Lily turned her head slightly to observe him, and her red eyes and pale cheeks became even more noticeable on her normally vibrant face. Eventually she nodded. "You're forgiven" she muttered quietly, before attempting to lighten their conversation. "But only because you had the foresight to bring me cake with your apology."

James gave a small smile. "Yeah well I realized you probably hadn't eaten since breakfast, so it was either that delicious cake, or a soggy looking pasty. I thought the chocolate would help win you over quicker though – and I was right!" James announced, with an accomplished grin adorning his handsome face.

Lily rolled her eyes and shot him a small hesitant smile. "yeah yeah yeah Potter, don't look so pleased with yourself."

Quickly morphing his features into a mask of indifference, James announced to the corridor in an aloof tone. "Why, dear woman, don't think me _pleased_ with myself! I was merely doing my civil duty. Do not for a second think me a _friend _because god forbid I should be a friend to _you _my dear woman!"

Blushing lightly and brushing the crumbs off her lap, Lily felt the need to murmur, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I said we weren't friends Potter. But think about it – we have been civil the past few months, but that doesn't classify us as friends."

James considered her momentarily. "hm. True." He finally announced. "But what does classify as friends? – meeting up in Hogsmead for a drink? Or maybe even bringing each other cake after a bad day?"

Lily turned to look at him forcefully, her gaze burning him, as if she was attempting to read his mind.

"Fine," she eventually huffed. "But only because of the cake!"

James beamed at her. "Fabulous!" he replied enthusiastically before resting his head against the wall and releasing a long, exhausted yet satisfied sigh.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't you have a detention to go to or something?" she asked, studying his casual position next to her. He was slumped against the stone wall, head resting back and his eyes closed. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, reaching three quarters of the way across the small corridor. One arm was up nestled behind his head, the action itself pulling up his untucked shirt so Lily could see an inch of his stomach. Noticing the hair leading down into his pants Lily blushed lightly and looked away.

"mmhm – later" James murmured, peeking a look at her out of one eye. "I have to help Slughorn organize the potions storage room. Not till 8 though"

"Great," Lily muttered sardonically, wanting to be left alone with her thoughts.

Picking up on her mood, James sat up and reached for his bag. "Look Lily. I just wanted to find you and make sure that you're okay. And, it's obvious you're not… but if it'll help to be alone, I'll give you some privacy."

Slightly startled, Lily met his unwavering gaze. His eyes were filled with more concern for her than she thought was possible. Especially for a marauder whose eyes seemed to only ever display laughter and endless secrets.

Blinking away her confusion, Lily nodded to James in thanks. "Some privacy would be good. I'll be alright."

James scrutinized her further, before nodding and standing up. "If you ever need anything – you know where to find me." He said seriously before shooting her a crooked smile. "I'm the annoying miscreant at the back of all your classes passing notes with my friends and causing general mayhem around the school."

Lily let out a breathy laugh, and tried to smile as he waved goodbye. The knowing look in his eyes told her she failed. Watching him walk down the corridor, she felt a slight warmth inside of her. It wasn't every day that she experienced this side of James Potter, the concerned, friendly, sweet boy who understood boundaries.

"Hey Potter!" she called out to him from her place on the floor, surprising not only him, but herself.

He turned, his eyebrows raised in confusion and question.

Pausing momentarily, not knowing what to say, she bit her lip. "Thanks!" she finally got out before turning her attention back to the wall in front of her.

"No problem Evans" she heard him reply softly, before turning away and walking off.

…

"James!" An excited, warm voice called out from behind him. It was a woman, she smelled like flowers and sunshine. Lily.

Smiling as he turned to face her, James reached out to touch her glowing hair. It was illuminated like fire in the sunlight, and contrasted beautifully with her pale skin, and red lips. As they grinned at each other, James asked, "Do you want to go for a fly?"

Lily's smile dropped slightly, and she bit her full lower lip in apprehension. "I don't know James…"

"JAMES!"

Tossing violently in bed at the crude awakening, the bloke in question almost fell to the floor.

"Bloody hell Padfoot! What are you doing?"

Chortling at his mates reaction to being awakened Sirius chucked James his robes. "You have five minutes before class starts – I'd suggest you get dressed quickly… that is unless you'd like for everyone to know you sleep in 'Marvin the mad muggle' boxers."

"FIVE MINUTES!" James shouted in alarm as Sirius escaped the dormitory. "YOU ARE SO DEAD BLACK!"

Thinking once again about the look Lily gave him last week as he changed rapidly and gathered his books, James wasn't shocked he had been dreaming about her. When she had smiled, and bit her lip the other day, right as she locked eyes with him, she had unknowingly sent his mind of on a crazy trail of fantasies. It had been so unintentionally alluring that he couldn't shake the image from his mind.

He was a few minutes late for charms, and undoubtedly looked as if he had just rolled straight out of bed (which he had!) but Flitwick just waved him in with a stern eyeballing as he started his lecture. Plopping down into a chair beside Peter, he sent a harsh look at each of his mates, who neither had the decency to look guilty or apologetic.

A few minutes later, just as James was settling into Flitwicks lecture the classroom door was inched open slowly, and Lily stepped in sending an apologetic look to their exasperated professor. Flitwick huffed, and gestured for her to take the last empty seat in the room, beside James.

Lily hurried over, her head hanging low, avoiding his gaze. But as she sat, pulling out her books and a quill James got a good look at her. Her face was pale and her eyes rimmed red. She had been crying. Recently. He wanted to reach out and squeeze her hand in comfort. It was just sitting there on the table, not 20cms from his own. It would be so easy. But - he paused to think, would it make her feel better or worse? Given their history James settled on 'worse' and attempted to pay attention to the theory behind basic healing charms.

Lily had been upset all week. Apart from the first night back from break, he had barely seen her smile, and was constantly hearing her friends fret about her abnormal behaviour. From what he'd manage to overhear from the Gryffindor girls, he'd deduced that Lily's father was unwell. Yes he had eavesdropped, but that wasn't beneath his or Sirius' moral standards by a long shot.

Halfway through the class, James heard Lily sniff lightly and he knew he had to do _something._ Deciding against physical contact, he flipped over his page of notes and drew a smiley face, before pushing it towards her.

**Please not again… **was her only reply, right below his emoticon

_Can we __**please**__ talk after class?_

**No**

_Evans… Lily…Please! I hate that you're so sad :( _

**Potter! Back off! 'talking' is the last thing I want to do**

_Then just come for a walk with me during lunch._

**What so you can try to pressure me into 'opening up' **

_Nope… I won't make you talk at all… I just __want __need to tell you something!_

**How many times do I have to say NO – we aren't friends!**

_Yes we are – remember the chocolate cake!_

_I'll find you some more if you come with me!_

**Maybe… now let me focus on charms! I'm not going to fail this subject! **

_You will if you keep turning up late :p_

**Oh yeah… I don't recall seeing you at breakfast, Mr-Bedhair**

_What are you talking about … my hair is always like this…!_

**No – today it has an extra special…**

_ Charm?_

** mmm… not the word I was looking for… **

_Fine fine… you caught me, I'll recount the thrilling tale of my morning, and find you some cake if you meet me in the entrance hall at lunch_

… **my answer's still maybe…**

_Good enough for me!_

With an indignant shake of her head, and a slight smile creeping onto her face, Lily made it through her next two classes without feeling the urge to run away and cry in a lavatory.

Feeling as if she owed him, for improving her precarious mood slightly, Lily waited in the entrance hall after Herbology for James.

True to his words, he didn't ask her any personal questions, and he managed to arrive bearing cake.

"How did you get this? Lily asked in confusion as she picked at her slice of choc-mud coconut cake. "It's warm! And I know for certain that cake is never served during lunch hour, because the elves are promoting 'healthy eating' this year!"

James laughed. "Oh Evans. When you know the many secrets of this castle like myself, then the cake mystery will make sense."

Lily glared at him, one eyebrow raised in question. "Fine fine…" he relented. "I went to the kitchens after Herbology. The elves were just pulling this beautiful tasty cake out of their oven as I arrived. They were more than happy to share two slices with me!"

They had been walking as they ate, and were nearing Lily's favourite alcove on the 7th floor. All was silent apart from their footfalls in the deserted corridor and the sounds of their cake being devoured, until they settled next to the large window.

Lily, who was trying not to focus on James and the fact that she'd agreed to talk to him… alone… was licking some chocolate off her pinky finger when he cleared his throat.

"I – ah… I heard about what's going on with your dad…" James begun and Lily's stomach sank.

"what-how?" Lily muttered, startled by the outbreak of her private issue.

"I overheard Dorcas and Marlene talking the other day, they're worried about you, and … so am I … everyone is."

Lily was studying her hands in embarrassment. "Who knows?"

"I think I'm the only one who heard them talking," James answered softly. "And I know you probably don't want to hear this, because you are constantly reminding me that we aren't friends… but… I know how you feel."

Lily looked up, her eyes filled with tears that were being too stubborn to overflow. "No you don't. _No one _knows how I feel!"

James watched her sadly.

Sighing and leaning against the wall beside her he begun. "You feel helpless, desperate, lonely, anxious, disheartened, weak… scared." He muttered. "Well... at least that's how I feel." He amended.

With slight curiosity Lily managed to murmur, "Why?"

James looked up. Right at Lily and said as boldly as he could for someone who was keeping all his pain tightly wound up inside of him. "My parents are old… much older than most. About 60. Obviously nowhere near 'Dumbledore old' but… for their line of work, they're old."

James paused and Lily whispered, "what do they do?"

"They're Aurors. Or, they were Aurors. They've slowed down a lot in the last 6 months, my dad got cursed back in July, and we thought he would die, but the healers managed to contain it. However it's eating away at his nervous system or something…" James' voice caught and Lily moved closer to him, placing her hand lightly on his arm. "Anyway, they put him on some muggle medication which helps a bit with the symptoms… but he's still not great. And then there's mum. She's always dealing with some cough or cold. Which seems really minor compared to dad. Especially with pepper-up potion on hand. But sometimes I worry about her more than him."

"James…"

"And I know I don't have a bitch of a sister who's marrying some git of a muggle… but I just wanted to let you know, that there are people who understand most of the pain you're going through. And that, no matter what, you can always come talk to me."

They sat in silence, watching through the window as all the young carefree pupils enjoyed their lunch break out by the lake. When time came to get ready for their next class, they stood up and faced each other with identical looks of gloomy understanding.

"Thanks… for telling me this." Lily muttered solemnly.

"I needed this just as much as you did. No one else really understands this – nightmare!" James added, giving a big sniff as his own eyes began to well up.

Lily couldn't handle seeing him so distraught, so she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a brief hug. However James latched onto her, and buried his face in her hair, leaving Lily to relax into his tight hold. Her arms fit comfortably around his neck, and her ear was just level with his heart when she leant her head against his chest.

With his cheek pressed against her hair, he murmured, "you're the last person I wanted this to happen too. You shouldn't have to deal with this pain. It can be soul-destroying."


	3. Chapter 3

Dorcas?" Marlene asked, as the Gryffindor girls entered the entrance hall. After a chilly Herbology session, the girls were eager for a warm lunch, before their next class.

Rolling her eyes, Dorcas Meadowesimitated her friend, "Marlene?"

"I-you… don't do that!" Marlene begun with a huff, "I just wanted to say, you look good today. Are you feeling any better? You haven't been unwell recently. That's a nice change isn't it?"

Lily and Hestia turned to look at Marlene. Surprise written clearly on their faces. Dorcas squirmed uncomfortably as they made their way into the hall.

"Marlene, could you be any more unobservant!" Lily eventually asked in exasperation. "Dorcas has had a clean bill of health for the last 2 weeks, in fact she's positively glowing! How could you miss that…"

"Oh well, I can't be expected to keep up with everything! Merlin! At least I'm aware that it's your birthday next week, Lily."

"Oh yeah! What day?"

"Uhh… Wednesday?"

"Come on it's been 6 years! Try again"

Marlene tried again, "Tuesday?"

Before Lily could butt in angrily to berate her so called 'friend' someone came up behind the group. "Oh talking about your birthday are we Evans? I do believe the actual day of celebration you're forgetting Marlene is Monday – the 30th" The girls turned to see a smug looking James Potter.

Lily grimaced at her friends as they sat down, "see even Potter remembers!"

Marlene rolled her eyes with a quiet sarcastic mumble of "of course _he_ remembers"

Which James unfortunately heard. "What's that supposed to mean McKinnon?! If you paid more attention to things, such as Quidditch training, and where the quaffle is, not the hot bods of your teammates then I'd be more lenient, but as it is I happen to agree with your friends. You are unobservant. And one day, it'll cost you big time."

"Oh come on, I pay plenty of attention in training." Marlene groaned. James sent Lily an exasperated look, shook his head in mock disappointment and murmured, "if you can't control your friend, I'll have no choice to remove her from the team."

Lily laughed lightly.

"For Merlins sake!" Marlene groaned in frustration. "We've been doing extra Chaser practices all year! You, me and Cresswell, now you're saying I don't put enough effort in!"

James stood up, "I don't have the energy for this right now, and Marlene I never said you don't put in effort, I just meant you lack focus, deal with it – pronto. The match is this weekend and I'm not losing because you can't pay attention to the bludgers… or other players. Don't forget Quidditch is a team sport!"

He walked off, giving Lily's shoulder a tight squeeze on his way past her.

"Urgh, he's been so frustratingly bossy this year. Captaincy has definitely gone to his head! Practice is no fun with him these days, no wonder my mind wanders!" Marlene ranted the moment he was out of earshot.

Lily watched as he walked halfway down the Gryffindor table before slumping in a seat beside Remus, he looked tired. "Give him a break Marlene," Lily insisted to the shock of her friends. Turning bright red_, _she avoided her friends questioning stares by eating as fast as possible. Swallowing a particularly large mouthful of pie, she glanced surreptitiously down the table to where James was seated. Ever since he had shared his dads prognosis with her, she had found herself watching him. As if looking for the unavoidable changes that had set in with _her_ dads illness, the anxiety, seriousness and withdrawl. James laughed loudly at something Sirius had just shared, and Lily wondered whether he was immune to fear, or whether he was just fantastic at pretending.

…

Lily found herself walking to the common room alone, just before curfew that night. After an early rushed dinner, she had secluded herself away in the library. With unpleasant thoughts running rampant through her mind since Christmas break, concentrating on homework had been difficult. Forcing herself to focus for the evening, Lily had whisked herself away in a quiet corner of the library and had been very successful.

Nodding hello to the Fat Lady and muttering the password with a tired smile, Lily entered the common room. A strange tension washed over her. The common room was very full, but oddly subdued. Looking around, she located her friends. Dorcas and Hestia were whispering, heads close together near the fireplace, and Marlene looking uncharacteristically solemn was in the corner near James and Sirius.

As she approached them, James looked up and sighed heavily. "This is a closed team meeting Evans. Gryffindor Quidditch team members only."

Lily paused just behind Marlene, and held her hands up. "Whoa, ok. I'm leaving sheesh!" she growled in annoyance with a glare at James.

Lily backed away slowly, confusion and a slight trickle of fear welling up inside of her. She felt someone grab hold of her elbow and spun around, immediately on edge. It was Remus.

"Merlin! Don't do that Remus!"

"Sorry." He muttered, a slight smile gracing his perpetually gloomy face as he dragged her over to Dorcas and Hestia.

"Oh Lily! Where have you been all night" Hestia crowed

"You've missed _everything_" Dorcas interrupted. "Have you even heard what happened?"

Her three friends stared at her confused, wary face then nodded with unease.

Remus cleared his throat and grimaced. "There's been another attack. A whole family murdered. Two children, their parents and grandparents. Down south near Brighton. The Dark Mark was left above their house."

"Oh that's awful." Lily muttered, casting her eyes downcast as a heaviness filled her bones.

"It was Dirk Cresswalls family." Hestia whispered morosely. "He and his sister, Philippa – the blond third year – were pulled out of their classes this afternoon."

Dorcas nodded. "I heard Mcgonagall collected them, then had to walk them up to Dumbledores office and deliver the news. I wonder where they've gone, because they haven't been seen since."

Lily shuddered. "Surely Dumbledore didn't send them home. Not if their whole family was attacked."

Remus gripped her shoulder in an attempt at comfort. "Maybe they had aunts, uncles…"

Lily ignored him. "They even killed the children?" she whispered more to herself than anything.

Hestia nodded, reaching out to hug Lily. "Yeah they did. The poor things. I think the youngest was only six or seven."

As Dorcas mumbled in assent "yes so so so horrible," Lily recoiled from Hestia.

Hestia unfortunately, not realising how uncomfortable Lily was becoming continued, "yes I know, a little girl – Robyn I think her name was, such a petite little thing last time I saw her at the station. So cute."

Lily turned away from her friends looking instead across the room to where Marly, James and Sirius appeared to be gravely discussing the loss of their teammate. Marlene was bouncing her leg up and down quickly, a sign she was struggling with the tense atmosphere surrounding her. Sirius had his eyes closed as he leaned back against the wall, but he appeared to be the one doing the talking. James was merely sitting, with one hand stuck in his hair as he glared at a piece of paper in front of him. The rest of the team, two forth years and one second, were dejectedly staring between James and Sirius, with expressions of such defeat on their faces that Lily stopped feeling sad for the Cresswalls for just one moment.

Turning from the team, but not looking at her mates Lily quietly motioned to the staircase and muttered she was going to bed. That she was tired.

She just couldn't handle the roomful of second hand grief. It made what she had been carrying around in her own heart all term, all the more painful.

…

It was a bad dream that woke her in the middle of the night. Not an uncommon occurrence of late. However, her own family were strangely absent from her mind this evening. Instead she had watched on in horror as her overzealous imagination concocted a dream of death and torture, of death eaters attacking small children, an elderly couple and killing babies. It was a final flash of bright green light that had forced her to awaken with a start.

Shakily, Lily stood up and walked to the pitcher of water sitting beside the window. Gulping down a glass anxiously she wondered if she'd be able to return to sleep. Surely not. If she closed her eyes again now, she would undoubtedly be reliving that nightmare. She was afraid to even blink, on the off chance that she would witness any of that horror again. Those small squealing children or the crying black haired baby, reaching out to her moments before the curse hit.

It was all too much. Lily grabbed her robe, and walked down to the common room with a book. She'd read until morning.

Lily walked unsteadily over to the couches by the fire and sunk into her favourite with a loud sigh.

"Are you okay?" a warm voice mumbled behind her.

Immediately startled, Lily stood, dropping her book to the ground and turned around to face… James Potter. She swore loudly in relief.

He raised his eyebrows at her, "I didn't know perfect, prefect Lily Evans knew curse words!"

Sinking back into the couch and turning to face to the fireplace, looking into the flames, she forced herself to release the breath she's been holding. "What are you doing up?" she asked quietly once her heart stopped racing.

James sighed and walked slowly to the couches by the fireplace, picking up Lily's discarded book, before taking a seat next to her on the plush red couch.

"I couldn't sleep," he murmured, staring fiercely into the fire like Lily.

"Why? To stressed over finding a new chaser by Saturday?"

"No, we have a few options. We're going to go with McLaggen I think. He's a good player, but he's a right foul dick. But for one game, what does it matter? As long as we don't lose our lead."

Lily nodded knowingly. McLaggen, the brash, impetuous, know it all 7th year who ran the charms club and let everyone who would listen know all about it.

"mmm… that will be fun for you. Hopefully Dirk's back soon."

James nodded once, not once moving his eyes from the burning flames.

They fell quiet.

"Lily?" James asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Concerned, Lily tore her eyes away from the fire to look at James. He remained concentrated on the fire, and Lily marvelled over the way light hit his face. The orange glow touching his nose and spreading out across his face made him look strangely beautiful. "Yeah?" she croaked back when he didn't continue to talk.

"Dirk's family _died_."

"I know…" she said soothingly, extremely concerned about the vulnerable tone in James' usually strident voice.

"When I read the afternoon Prophet, I heard there'd been an attack, that at least 2 people were known to be dead, I thought…"

Lily's stomach turned. She remembered now the concerned looks on the faces' of the professors and select few students at lunch. They'd all been reading a paper.

Lily _really _looked at James. His forehead was scrunched up, his lips pursed, and his eyes, despondently glaring into the fire.

She reached over and grabbed his hand. Squeezing hard she murmured, "You thought it was your parents?"

He finally tore his eyes away from the fire. Looking down at their hands in his lap, each tightly grasping the others, he sniffed lightly before levelling his gaze to hers. "Its… My worst nightmare. Being called out of class, being told by Dumbledore that they're dead, and that I wasn't there to protect them, to say goodbye just one last time. I can't sleep, because in my dreams, I just fall into situation after situation where I'm alive and they're not. And I don't know how to live in a world where they aren't alive; they're the 2 people who completely, irrevocably and unconscionably love me, for _me_."

Lily sat stunned, as James' eyes bore into hers. The pain, desperation and fatigue inside of him overwhelmed her momentarily, so much so that she forgot her own pain. Her own fears.

"James…" Lily begun, squeezing his hands tight.

"No, Lily. Please, don't say anything. Ok?" he asked desperately with one last final pleading, "_please._"

"Ok, I'm just going to sit here and read my book, alright?"

"Alright," he replied, releasing her hands, and turning back to look into the fire.

With shaky hands, Lily picked up her novel, and opened it to her bookmarked page. They sat in silence for what felt like hours, James staring into the fire and Lily staring at the book in her hands. She tried to read, to distract herself from her growing fears, fuelled by James' confession. However she found herself rereading the same words over and over again, barely processing the story.

James was quiet, trying not to cry in front of Lily. Trying to remain strong for her, and not tarnish his reputation over some stupid dream. Sometime, shortly before sunrise, he found himself lying down on the couch. Head right beside Lily's leg. As he continued to watch the flames die into embers he counted the days until the Easter holidays, when he could go home and see his parents. Just as he was trying to figure out where Easter fell this year, he felt Lily's, small gentle hand touch his hair. Closing his eyes, he froze. Whilst James lay beside her in surprise, Lily begun running her fingers through his hair. James had never felt anything like it before. Had never even dreamed that Lily would touch his hair in such a gentle manner. He had very vivid memories of her shouting at him, merely a year ago that she would rip his goddamn hair out, chunk by chunk if he dared speak to her ever again.

His hair was so soft, so confusingly soft. His messy black hair had been begging for her to touch ever since he lay down. It had been long enough that surely he was asleep. Running it between her fingers was surprisingly comforting, like petting a cat. But James wasn't a cat; he was 10 times more comforting than old Snowflake, her childhood pet, had been. Yet he was _James_ the object of all her frustration, embarrassment and heartbreak for the last 5 and a half years. Debating with herself as she massaged his head Lily thought not only about all their fights, but about how kind he had been to her this past month. About how they hadn't had a good and proper fight since last June, after the Defence O.W.L when Severus had called her a … _mudblood_. Despite his ongoing pranks, none of them had hurt any of the younger children, and had either been targeted at the oldest and most determinedly evil of the Slytherins, or at the entire student body as a whole. Not that that meant Lily agreed with his shenanigans, but she had less reasons to yell at him. Besides, she couldn't stay mad at him for long recently. Not with his sudden discovery that chocolate cake was a sure fire way to calm her down. But, what did all this mean?

Were James and her friends? - Maybe, probably yes.

Did James still like Lily? - No, he hadn't asked her out the entire school year.

Did this mean it would be easier for them to be friends? - Yes, without James pining over her, they had a real shot… if the last couple of weeks were anything to go by.

And finally, Did she, did Lily have feelings for James? - No, definitely not. She was just… being a good friend to him. That's why she cared so much when he was upset. Because friends are allowed to worry about each other.

Lily looked down. Her hand was still stoking James' hair. Hastily she ripped it away. Physical contact, only best friends, and couples went around stroking each other's hair to calm each other down. _This_ didn't fit into either category. Standing slowly, so as not to bounce the couch and wake James, Lily found a throw rug and placed it lightly over him, before turning and running up the steps to the girls dormitories.

…

James rolled over to stare at the roof after the sound of Lily's hasty steps on the stone staircase disappeared. _What had just happened?_ Stretching, James knocked something to the floor. It was her book. He held it tightly in his hands as he remembered the feel of her soft fingers caressing his hair. Jumping up swiftly, James ran upstairs to grab his broomstick. Now that it was getting light outside, he needed to fly to clear his mind. And perhaps a cold shower.

…

"Where have you been all night mate?" Sirius asked loudly the second James returned to his dormitory after his shower.

"Downstairs," he grunted in reply.

"Oh yeah, doing what?" Sirius continued with a snigger.

James only glared at him as he fished out clean robes and school books from his unorganised mess of a trunk.

Remus, who was tying his tie on the other side of the room sighed loudly, "just leave him be Padfoot."

Sirius plastered on a look of faux outrage, "leave him be! I will do no such thing. These are dark times Mr. Lupin, I have every right to know where my best mate was last night!"

Peter, still yet to get out of bed called out to James, "you know we would have gone to Hogsmead with you Prongs. I really could have used a good drink after yesterday anyway."

"I wasn't in Hogsmead, not gonna lie - I considered it, but in the end, I was just stayed in the common room."

"All night?" Sirius asked with a disbelieving look.

"Yes – all night!"

"Were you alone?" he asked, this time waggling his eyes at his best mate.

James turned to get changed, ignoring Sirius.

It was Remus who answered for him in a sly tone, holding something in his hands. "I think not Padfoot, not unless James has all of a sudden taken an interest in old fashioned muggle romance novels." showing the book to Sirius with a knowing grin in James direction he asked, "I wonder whose this is?"

"Give it here," Sirius demanded with his usual verve. Grabbing the copy from Remus, he started flicking through the pages until he found what he wanted. Clearing his throat he read out loud. "To my darling daughter, I hope you enjoy this story as much as I have Lily, lots of love, mum."

"Give that here," James demanded. Sirius threw it to James who caught it with ease.

"Is that – Lily Evans' book by any chance Prongs?"

When James didn't reply, Sirius continued with a smile as cheeky and mischievous as ever. "You spent all night with Lily Evans! MATE! I thought you were over her! Wow, tell us everything, is she a good-"

"Sirius shut up! Nothing happened. We talked for a bit then I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up she was gone. That's my story alright! Now please just forget this ever happened."

Sirius raised his eyebrows at a stern looking Remus, and muttered "Alright fine, that was outta line, sorry!"

"It's fine," James muttered through gritted teeth as he shoved Lily's book in his bag. "Let's just go to breakfast."

Nodding, Remus and Sirius followed James out of the dorm, a hastily dressed Peter only moments behind.

* * *

**HI, thanks for reading, please leave a review to let me know what you think - XX**


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few weeks, life at Hogwarts was hectic. Gryffindor narrowly lost the Quidditch match against Huffelpuff who proudly boasted that fact around the school for a change. As James had predicted McLaggen had not been a good fit for their team. Whilst the lad was certainly a talented chaser, a team player he was not. James and Marlene grew steadily more frustrated throughout the game as their new teammate idiotically ignored their presence. He seemed determined to be the only player scoring the goals, despite their group's best efforts to work together. James sacked him from their team the morning after the game, providing the residents of Gryffindor house with an alarming wakeup call from the disgruntled 7th year in response.

Lily's 17th also passed by, accompanied by a blur of homework and stress. The letters she got from home, the evening of her birthday contained a letter from both her mother and sister.

_Lily,_

_Mother says I must write you. Happy birthday. Despite the fact that you're 'apparently' an adult in your freaky little world does not change the fact that you are still only 17 and a child in the eyes of Great Britain. Therefore it's my pleasure to inform you that you'll be seated at the children's table at mine and Vernon's wedding in July._

_Petunia._

Enclosed in her letter was a pink handkerchief of her sisters. The only gift given - not out of love but spite.

Her mother's letter was not much better. Not to mention that the gift from her parents made her blubber her way through a potions essay that needed finishing.

It was a simple gold chain necklace with a diamond pendant hanging off it. An heirloom from her paternal grandmother. Something her dad had been hiding from Petunias sticky fingers for years.

The meaning behind the gift itself was what made her so upset. Surely her dad had been saving this gift for her 18th or 21st. But with his health... Decided this year would be best. The very idea that her parents didn't think their family would be whole by her next birthday really unnerved her.

The highlight of her day though was when her friends dragged her into the common room sometime after curfew and handed over a small white box. Still shaken from her family's correspondence Lily smiled tightly as she sat in front of the fireplace and made to untie the delicate white bow circling the gift.

"Oi! You're not giving it to her yet are you McKinnon!" A male barked from across the room.

Lily's girlfriends all looked up with guilty expressions; Lily continued to slowly untie the ribbon, which was stubbornly knotted around the box.

"I-we..." Dorcas muttered as the four marauders sauntered towards them, Sirius and James looking grumpy and put out by their haste.

Marlene stepped in front of her friends in a protective stance. "Lily's not feeling well." she announced to Lily's surprise. Her friends must have noticed her reticence after her family's package arrived.

Unfortunately Marlene's comment to the boys made her the subject of their inquisition. She heard Peter mutter quietly "has she been crying?" As James walked over to place his hand on her forehead.

His touch was nice, soothing, but completely unnecessary. She swatted it away.

"I'm fine," Lily finally announced to the group who looked at her warily before perching on armchairs and side tables around her.

"Alright then..." James said from his spot beside her on the hearth of the open fire. "This is from all of us," he said gently as he gestured to the half open present sitting in her hands.

Lily looked up, somewhat surprised and glanced over to the boys, Sirius and Peter in particular. "You didn't need to get me anything, I don't think I got you guys-" she was cut off by James.

"Just open it Lily!"

Rolling her eyes Lily carefully pulled off the last few pieces of tape and wrapping paper. She opened up her gift with a small gasp of surprise.

"Oh it's beautiful!" She announced, unable to take her eyes away from the delicate wrist watch, the clock face tied to a sweet little bracelet chain.

"Here," she heard James mumble from beside her as his hands moved to her own. She looked at him in slight confusion before he lightly took the watch from her, and then clasped it onto her right wrist with a smile.

Marlene was talking a mile a minute about watches and jewellery being the typical 17th gift for every witch and wizard, "and we know your parents aren't quite up to date with all the wizarding world customs, but we didn't want to owl them and cause them more stress considering what's going on, and James suggested we get you this, so we all went in on it for you."

Lily was admiring her watch with an abnormal intensity, not wanting to cry in front of the boys. Or anyone actually.

Lily knew everyone was silent waiting for her to say something. Dorcas prompted her, "do you like it?" And she nodded, with a twisted smile, still unable to raise her eyes.

That's when James, glorious James chimed in. Grabbing her hand, and intently studying their gift he made a sound of light agreement. "Jones you were totally right."

"Yes I usually am, what about in particular" Hestia asked, her brow creased slightly at the sudden change of topic.

"It's a good thing we went with the thin chain, Lily's chubby little child hands would have looked horrid with that larger option," he guffawed, earning a backhanded slap from Lily herself.

As everyone laughed, Lily scowled at a beaming James. Both of them secretly happy the crying had been deterred, and that Lily was now able to look up at everyone, rather than needing to hide her emotions.

With a small sniff, and a chuckle Lily stood to hug her friends. James sighed thankfully behind her back that his weak joke had been taken in good spirit.

Lily made her way around the congregation of 6th year Gryffindors, hugging even Peter and Sirius in thanks for her gift. Surprisingly, Sirius' strong, warm squeeze and the muttered congratulations in her ear was the most comforting part of her night. When Lily reached James at last he had a slight blush on his cheek and gave her a short, tentative hug. Despite how open and sweet he'd been with her recently, and how well he seemed to understand her, it appeared he was unsure how to really behave around her in. Especially in this group setting.

* * *

Dirk Cresswell and his sister returned to Hogwarts 2 weeks after their family's murder. A recently 16 year old Dirk was apparently under the guardianship of a great aunt or uncle who had decided that they couldn't handle the morose behaviour of the two teenagers, despite what they'd been through. The siblings had been packed up and sent back to school with the order to come home in summer with a better attitude.

The anger made him a sloppy player, but his team was so glad to have him back and to be rid of McLaggen that they didn't care.

"As long as he can pull it together for our next match, I don't care at all" James was whispering to Lily in Arithmancy shortly after the Cresswells return. "He's had the most horrible thing happen to him, I don't mind him directing all that built up energy into Quidditch. He's quite a force to be reckoned with. As long as he passes to Marlene or I to make the shot we'll be fine."

Lily nodded in acknowledgement as she continued to take notes on the lecture professor Vector was currently giving. The weeks since her birthday had been exhausting. The professors had upped the ante with their coursework, and her friends had been enthusiastically trying to brighten her slowly declining mood. Despite how hard they all tried to make her life easier and cheer her up, Lily couldn't stop thinking about her dad. His ill health had been ongoing and had peeked in unpleasantness over the Christmas break, but Lily never let herself truly consider that he wasn't going to improve. Let alone the fact that he was only going to continue to get worse until he passed away.

Right there in Arithmancy Lily shuddered at the very thought of living in a world without her father. It was unimaginable.

A warm hand, suddenly placed on her shoulder drew her attention away from the worst case scenarios running through her mind. Glancing around her Lily noticed the class packing up, but beside her, a look of deep concern on his face James was still seated and facing her.

He pursed his lips, not wanting to hassle her, she was fragile enough at the moment without him irritating her.

Clearing her throat, and turning to pack up her books, Lily tried to appear as normal as possible. "Were you saying something James?"

He slid his hand slowly off her shoulder as she attempted to ignore her vague behaviour. James stood with his books under one arm before proffering his other to Lily. "May I walk you to Potions Miss Evans?" He asked pompously.

Letting out a huff of amusement, Lily slung her bag across her shoulder before grabbing onto James.

The pair walked silently through the busy halls. When they reached the grand staircase, James politely asked Lily what her plans for the weekend were.

"Oh." She replied, surprised at the random question. Was he making small talk? "I think I'll just be catching up on homework." She eventually replied in a soft tone, giving James a small smile.

"Hmmm…" James ambiguously hummed. Before chuckling lightly at Lily's scrunched brow. "Are you even aware that there's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend?"

"Oh," Lily repeated. "No, I completely forgot."

"That, I realised," James smirked, receiving a light shove from the redhead.

"How about you come with me and the guys?" James asked. "I think I heard that Marlene and Dorcas had plans, and I'm assuming Hestia will be with her boyfriend."

"No… I'll just stay back. I've really got a lot of study to do."

"Lily, it'd be good to get out of the castle for a day, it'll be fun."

Lily sighed. How hard was James going to try to get her to join them? She wouldn't put it past him to kidnap her and drag her all the way into town.

They continued the rest of their walk in silence, but James stopped her right before they entered into the dungeon classroom. "Please think about it Lily, a change of scenery might be nice." He asked with an intense gaze, something concerning hovering in his eyes as he scrutinized her.

She answered simply with a nod, hiking her bag back up onto her shoulder before leading their way into the classroom.

Potions was her favourite class. There was no teacher to criticise her methods or her absent mind, only Professor Slughorn who would beam at her and her work. It was the one class where she could just follow the instructions and tune out without missing anything. It was simple. Methodical.

As she performed her slow 18 counter clockwise stirs, which were to be timed to fit exactly into 10 minutes, Lily was able to think.

She really should be using the opportunity of the Hogsmeade weekend to get out of the castle. Despite the hideously cold winter weather, she could at the very least take a book with her to read with a nice big glass of butterbeer. James was right; a change of scenery could be good for her. But, if she went, would the boys actually let her relax by herself or would she have to socialise with them? It was a feat that was becoming more difficult with each day that passed. Despite the fact she was slowly beginning to warm to the boys, spending time with them was just too much effort. She didn't really even want to spend time with her girlfriends.

By the time she'd finished her potion, Lily had successfully talked herself out of going to Hogsmeade. She told James, not in so many words on their way to lunch. He'd run up behind her, drawing her away from where she walked two steps behind her mates.

"Lily," he groaned. "Please come. I'm begging. This is me begging."

"I… Just don't want to James. I'm not up for it."

"What are you not up for? Which particular part?" he questioned in quiet desperation.

"Why do you even care?" Lily finally asked with a slight measure of gumption in her tone.

"Because," James said firmly stopping her and turning to face her. "I am your friend, and I'm worried about you. Now." He paused before continuing on just as firmly. "Why exactly don't you want to come?"

Eyeing James in annoyance Lily replied truthfully. "I just want to have a relaxing day, not be surrounded by all your crazy mates. Nothing reminds me of how upset I feel more than being in a crowd of happy people."

James was silent momentarily. "Fine then," he huffed out and Lily's heart soared slightly at the thought the topic was being dropped. "You can stay here and be miserable by yourself, or you can come to Hogsmeade with me, and the two of us can be slightly less miserable together instead."

"Huh?"

"Look I know how taxing it can to be around Sirius and Peter and even Remus sometimes. If you want to have a quiet day, but still want to get out of the castle, I will join you. It's nice to have company even if it's just someone quietly reading a paper beside you. We can just sit in the Three Broomsticks or the Hogshead all day, I won't even drag you to Honeydukes or Zonkos."

Lily thought through his offer. She did want to leave the confining walls of the castle, but… did she really want to spend the majority of her day with Potter? "I dunno… I'd want chocolate though…" she begun with a slight smirk.

"Fine then, we can make a quick detour through Honeydukes before settling down for a day of nothing but silence and butterbeer." He compromised with a smile, silently hoping that Lily was indeed warming to his idea.

"Mmm… I'll think about it." She murmured, walking around him to make her way to lunch.

"Great!" he all but yelled in enthusiasm, a large infectious smile on his face.

She rolled an eye and fought hard to suppress the grin spreading across her face in response.

The pair walked to the Great Hall, discussing their annoying amount of homework light heartedly. Just before they stepped inside Conner Penhollow, a seventh year Ravenclaw and current prefect, caught their attention.

"Lily!" he called, stopping them in the doorway. "How are you?"

Surprised by his sudden appearance, Lily muttered a confused 'good, thanks.' To which Conner smiled brightly.

"And James Potter! How are you doing? I thought you flew well in that last Quidditch match, it's a shame you didn't win, it was a very close game." He continued, to James and Lily's confusion.

James reached up to scratch his head and run his fingers through his hair, a quirk of his that Lily had begun to associate with confusion and unease. "Thanks mate, uhh… yeah it was a close game. We have our team back together now though, so were ready to win the next match."

"Great, that's great," Conner replied genuinely. "Look James, I was just wondering if I could borrow Lily off you for a quick word."

James' lips tightened, "you'd have to ask her yourself," he replied turning to Lily, his eyebrows raised. She nodded, and he reached up to squeeze her shoulder before walking off to the Gryffindor table.

"What do you need Conner?" Lily asked in confusion. "Do you need me to cover one of your prefect rounds for the month?" she tried when he didn't immediately answer.

"Uh no," the older boy replied. "I was just wondering," he began slowly as Lily watched James sit down with their friends before looking back over to her and Conner.

"I was just wondering if you were free this weekend? I thought it might be nice for the pair of us to go to Hogsmeade together." He finished in a long, stilted sentence.

This drew Lily's attention away from James. Was Conner Penhollow, one of the best looking seventh year guys asking her out on a date? Lily couldn't comprehend the situation. Not when only 5 minutes ago she'd been fighting the very idea of going with the marauders.

"Um," Lily began. "I think I've made plans with James." She replied, unsure of how to proceed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I should have known. Are you two together now?" He asked quickly, looking mildly embarrassed.

Lily furrowed her brow. "No…." she answered slowly. "We're just friends. Why would you think that we're dating?"

Conner's shoulders relaxed significantly upon hearing that information, but still looked slightly out of place as he replied. "Oh I just assumed, since you said the two of you had plans, and with it being Valentine 's Day and all on the weekend. I thought you might be going on a date together."

Lily's stomach boiled and her face reddened. Valentine's Day! What? Had James been trying to get her on a date? She thought they were over that nonsense. Sure, the idea had started off with her joining his mates, but surely by Saturday, they'd all have dates of their own and voila – it would have been just the two of them! Oh and how handy it must have been when Lily all but agreed moments ago to spending the entire day with just James himself. Was he really trying to pull a date and 'relationship' on her now in the middle of everything going on in her life...!

"Lily?" Conner asked, drawing her away from thoughts of James. "It's alright if you already have plans, I just thought it'd be nice to get to know you better." He acquiesced.

Lily looked over to James, with what she thought must have been a murderous glance. When they made eye contact James seemed immediately alarmed, but didn't make an effort to question her new found emotions. That solidified her anger.

"No," she replied loudly enough for the group of giggling fourth year girls to hear as they walked passed. "No, I don't have plans. I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you on Saturday."

Conner smiled brightly. "Great! It's a date."

Lily smiled back just as brightly, if not slightly insanely. "Wonderful, I guess I'll meet you here at ten on Saturday then." She clarified.

"Sounds great," Conner replied, bending to kiss her lightly on the cheek, "I'll see you then."

As he walked off, Lily got a good view of the Gryffindor table where James and even Sirius were staring at her in confusion. James cocked his head in askance; Lily merely narrowed her eyes and turned away. She was no longer hungry.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I'm so sorry about the long time between updates, god I can't even describe how busy I've been...!**

**anyhoo, if you've got any spare time of your own, please leave a review for me below :) The only reason I had enough motivation to write this was because of the two lovely reviews i got last week :) Thanks Darling Lily Flower and thesearemywords - your reviews were very well received, as are all the reviews I get. :D **


	5. Chapter 5

Lily's gloved hand was warmly tucked in Conner's as they walked back towards Hogwarts that Saturday afternoon. The pair had enjoyed a lovely day out of the castle, visiting not only the Three Broomsticks and Honeydukes, but the Shrieking Shack as well. Conner had been a real gentleman, not attempting to push things further than holding hands and purchasing her lunch. However Lily was not nearly as interested in him as she felt she should be. As they walked, the Ravenclaw was describing in detail the coursework McGonagall and Slughorn had piled on him for the weekend. Lily thought he sound a tad too enthusiastic for a person who would be spending the entirety of the next day researching human transfiguration and writing essays about the properties of cane toad poison.

As her date jabbered on Lily glared at the group of boys trudging through the snow ahead of them. The confrontation she'd had with James two nights previously had been rough. They'd both sat through a tense Arithmancy lesson that afternoon avoiding eye contact with each other.

Halfway through the class a distracted looking James had scrawled a short message on the backside of his notes for Lily.

_If you wanted to go with Penhollow why didn't you just say so?_

Lily had refused to reply, despite the numerous times James had shoved his parchment under her nose. She'd spent the day since Conner's date proposal truly analyzing James' behaviour. Had he really meant their trip to Hogsmeade to be a date? The fact that it was the valentine's weekend, combined with his desperate attempts to coax her to come had been enough doubt to sway her thoughts. But his note tipped her over the edge. The fact that he didn't differentiate from what he'd obviously heard was a date with Conner to what they'd planned was the slap in the face Lily had been waiting on.

The pair sat in a heavy silence as Professor Vector prattled on but as they'd left the class right before dinner James finally snapped.

Grabbing her arm in the hallway to stop her, he'd asked her in a tight voice "Why are you angry with me Lily? What the bloody hell have I done this time?"

Lily had whirled around slowly with her eyes hardened and yanked her arm out of his grasp. "Oh I think you know exactly what you've done Potter."

"You know what! I really don't"

"I thought you were getting past your frustrating stage of taking advantage of everyone in your vicinity."

James looked incredulous, "Excuse me! What is going on Lily?"

Lily shook her head and with a tight lipped glare that would've made McGonagall proud, she turned and walked off.

She made it through dinner and was sitting in the common room talking with her friends when James stormed in, his fists shaking slightly beside him as he walked towards her.

"Lily," he grunted out in exasperation, "May I please speak to you out in the corridor."

She stood, looking him right in the eyes and firmly said, "No" before turning to walk to the dormitory staircases.

James blew up. "What the hell is going on Lily? Why won't you talk to me? All I want to know is _why_ you think I've taken god damn advantage of you!"

Lily scowled at him before looking around at the group of first year girls who were openly gaping at the pair. With a stern look from her, the younger students hurriedly struck up a conversation about their plans for the weekend. Their hopes of receiving a Valentine's Day card.

"You want to know what my problem is," Lily begun quietly. "It's this." She broke off and pointed towards the group of first years.

James looked astonishingly confused to the point where Lily actually reneged and explained herself.

"Valentine's day, James."

If possible, he looked even more confused at her statement.

"There I was thinking you were being a good _friend_ trying to make me forget about my _dying father,_" Lily hissed with a poke to his chest, "and all along, you were merely trying another of your stupid schemes to get me on a date with you. Seriously James it's pathetic, I thought my 2 previous rejections would have gotten the fact through your thick skull that I would never, ever date you!"

James gaped at her like a fish. "It's Valentine's day this weekend?" was all he muttered.

"Ha!" Lily seethed. "So you're not even denying it!"

"No!" James cried.

"NO!" Lily repeated in utter disbelief, "so I was right, bloody hell James I can't even believe I let myself think for a minute that you deserved the benefit of the doubt.

"When." James begun, in a forceful angry huff. "Have you _ever_ given me the benefit of the doubt Evans? Why do I even bother trying to be nice to you? I had no clue that it was Valentine's Day this weekend, I did not ask you on a date. If I remember correctly, it was you that didn't want to hang out with my mates."

Lily merely glared at him with an embarrassed blush warming her cheeks, and the feeling of frustrated tears welling up in the backs of her eyes. "I can't deal with this now Potter, I thought you would have understood that more than anybody."

"Deal with what Evans!" James snapped. "You're the one blowing this out of proportion. Just go on your damn date with Penhollow, I hope you have a great day." He finished facetiously before pushing past her up the staircase to the boys dormitories.

Lily had climbed the stairs to her own dormitory moments after James and had spent the majority of her evening blaming her currently unstable emotions for her complete idiocy.

"Lily? … Hey! Lily?!" Conner roused her from her thoughts as they trudged up the steps into the entrance hall of the castle. "Would you like to warm up with a hot chocolate in the Great Hall?" he asked, politely ignoring her poor concentration.

Lily blinked at him repeatedly, struggling to comprehend his offer. As she focused, her eyes travelled towards the hall in question, noticing the vats of steaming hot cocoa the elves had indeed provided for the students returning from the chilly village.

Lily nodded and made to reply when she was cut off by Professor McGonagall's booming voice.

"Potter!" the witch called from the top of the marble staircase towards the teenager who'd been about to disappear down towards the dungeons. The boy in question spun towards his head of house whilst the 10 people lingering in the entrance hall regarded the situation with curiosity.

As McGonagall glided down the staircase with surprising ease for a witch of her age, James looked at those around him in surprise, in shock. Lily's stomach fluttered uneasily.

"May I speak to you in private, Mr. Potter" McGonagall requested as she approached the marauders.

Conner, obviously attempting to be polite, decided the pair had loitered long enough and made to tug Lily into the Great Hall. However at the very same moment James eyes scanned the hall and found hers.

The unease within her immediately turned into the weight of a lead ball at the contact. His eyes were wide, startled, guarded, desperate. The very antithesis to the usual calm presence of James Potter.

Lily pulled away from Conner and hastened towards James and the small crowd around him at the foot of the marble staircase.

"Is it-? Is-" Lily heard James stutter as she approached him.

"Let's head up to my office Mr. Potter" McGonagall replied soothingly

"No," James croaked as he received a sympathetic glance from Peter and a hand on the shoulder from Remus. Lily swore she heard a pale, withdrawn Sirius mutter a terrible word just as she came to stand with the group, sliding one of her hands into James'.

He started at her touch, not expecting her to be right beside him, before grasping her hand tightly. Lily rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand as McGonagall repeated her desire to move the conversation up to her office.

James looked at her in despair and Lily remembered back to the night he'd shared one of his greatest fears; that his parents were going to die, that they would die without him by their side. Lily gathered together all the strength she had within her and with a fierce and determined expression, gave James a steady nod of her head and squeezed his hand once more.

"Alright" he croaked out again.

McGonagall turned and made for her office. The group of 5 watched her go before slowly starting their ascent up the staircase behind her. After only a few steps McGonagall stopped and turned to look down on them all with pity. "I'm sure an entourage is not needed for this. Mr. Potter, you will see your friends later." James who had paused with Lily still beside him turned slightly to look at her. She gave him a tight lipped smile, silently sending all her courage his way. Then she released his hand and slowly stepped back from him. Remus and Peter took a step down towards her as well after a few short words to James. Sirius however refused to yield to McGonagall's wishes. Eventually she conceded. And the threesome walked off.

"You don't think his parents are unwell or…" Peter raised his eyes in askance of the question he could not say aloud.

The ever stoic Remus nodded and with a brotherly slap on Peters back murmured that they should go and wait in their dormitory for the others.

"Will you be alright Lily?" Remus asked with a pained look on his weary face.

She nodded mutely, giving the boys a lame wave as they departed.

She watched them walk up the staircase, not noticing that she was standing alone in the entrance hall, her arms wrapped around her chest in a fit of anxiety.

"What do you think you're doing!" came a rough growl.

Lily looked up, startled. It was Filtch. Merely shaking her head and muttering out a soft apology Lily hastened towards the Great Hall, in desperate need of company.

Lily's friends found her seated at the Ravenclaw table beside Conner and his loud gaggle of friends.

"There's bad news Lily." They muttered to her quietly on the way to their common room.

"It's James Potter's Mum." Hestia announced.

"I didn't even know she was Ill" mumbled Dorcas.

"His poor dad will be devastated; I've never seen a couple more besotted with each other." Marlene shared with the group, her voice tight. Lily linked arms with her and rest her head on Marlene's shoulder as they walked.

"I know," she whispered breathily, each remark from her friends feeling like yet even more blows to the stomach.

As they slowly ambled towards Gryffindor common room in a heavy and crushing silence, Lily was surprised to not be the first girl with tears running down her face. Unexpectedly it was tough as nails Marlene. "Mrs. Potter was always really nice to me." she gasped out as tears ran down her face. "I've known her since I was 5. My parents were friends with them from work. The Auror department you know?" she muttered with a faux-indifferent shrug of her shoulders. "And I never had any grandparents. They were long gone by the time I was born, so Mrs. Potter was like a grandmother to me. She spoiled me when I visited, whispered little secrets to me!" Marlene stopped walking and faced her morose friends. "I'm. Really. Going. To. Miss. Her." She finally gasped, as she broke into little sobs.

Lily engulfed Marlene in a tight hug as Hestia and Dorcas soothingly brushed her hair back and rubbed her back.

After what felt like hours of achingly holding Marlene together the friends were broken apart by a small cough.

They all turned to see James Potter and Sirius Black, both looking morose and carrying rucksacks on their backs.

"Oh James, I'm so sorry!" Marlene cried as she strangled the boy in question with a large hug. "If there's anything I can do, let me know." She rambled emphatically. "When will the funeral be? Make sure you owl me. I'll be there."

"So will we," Dorcas added as Lily and Hestia nodded firmly beside her.

"Thank you," James replied, his voice stronger, more controlled than it had been earlier in the face of the unknown. "I would appreciate that very much." He released Marlene from their hug.

There was a moment of silence before Lily asked, nodding to their bags, "Are you going home?"

James swallowed and with a heavy nod announced that his dad needed him. "I won't be gone too long. My mother would have wanted me to focus on my studies."

Sirius let out a loud, bitter and sarcastic snort beside James. "Because when have we ever done that!" he angrily hissed before storming off towards McGonagall's office.

"Oh Sirius" Marlene huffed, following him down the corridor.

"Sorry about him," James made to apologise in spite of everything.

"Oh no need to worry about that James," Hestia announced giving him a light hug before stepping back to allow Dorcas to smile briefly at him and squeeze his arm consolingly.

"We will see you at the funeral James, we're very sorry for your loss." Dorcas added.

After giving a brief look towards Lily in askance, to which they earned a slight shake of the head the pair departed in silence.

James and Lily stared at each other across the hallway. His eyes resigned and exhausted, hers wide and apologetic.

After what felt like many minutes of appraising each other, Lily slowly walked towards him. As she got close, he opened his mouth to say something.

"I-I just…" he struggled with a pained expression on his face that made Lily's heart break.

"Shhh" she soothed, rising up on her toes and wrapping her arms around him. With her face buried in the crook of his neck, Lily inhaled a scent that was so completely 'James' and smiled slightly. But then she felt a tremor rip through his body and a light sob being caught at the back of his throat.

"James…" she whispered, as he strongly wrapped his arms around her and buried his own face in her hair. Lily reached up and ran her fingers through his hair as soothingly as she could, whilst grasping his shoulder as tight as she could with her other hand.

The pair stood wrapped up in each other for a small infinity. Before they were interrupted by a spitting sound.

They broke apart and turned to see a huddle of senior Slytherin students. Amongst them was Snape.

"What do we have here?" crowed the apparent ring leader, Mulciber. "Potty and his mudblood girlfriend, how sweet."

Severus Snape shifted uneasily at the back of the group.

"We just came to congratulate you Potter!" Mulciber continued with a coy smirk. "Without that stupid old mother of yours, you may be able to do some good in the world."

James released Lily's hand and reached for his wand.

"You should know Potter that a certain _master_ of mine is very interested in you and your capabilities. Without dear old mummy around to show you right from wrong, maybe you'd enjoy a trip to the wild side!"

"When hell freezes over," grunted James pushing Lily slightly behind him, to her annoyance.

"I suggest you all turn around and walk away right now," Lily intervened, "Or I'll be giving you all detention."

The Slytherins laughed and jeered at her, before turning and walking away just as she had asked. Snape however remained behind, glaring at Lily.

Just as Lily was about to ask him to please return to his common room, he spat on the floor, right in front of Lily and James. As he turned away, James gripped his wand tighter and took a step towards him but Lily dragged him back.

"Now's not the time James. You need to get home to your dad."

As the fight seeped out of him, James' shoulders dropped, his wand arm dropped and he turned to face Lily.

"Right."

"I'm so very sorry for your loss, James." Lily whispered sincerely

He nodded, sighing shakily.

"You'll let us know about the service?"

"Yeah."

Lily hesitated momentarily before placing her hands on James' shoulders, and leaning in to kiss him on the check. James, still standing downtrodden in front of her leaned into the touch of her lips and smiled softly when she pulled back.

"What was that!" he managed to ask, slightly astounded.

"Oh," Lily begun, ambling backwards, leaving James staring at her in a daze, "just a kiss."


	6. Chapter 6

The sixth year Gryffindors were subdued as the new week started without any news from James and Sirius. Marlene, Remus and Peter were grieving Mrs. Potters loss as their own, whereas Lily was mainly focused on James and their joint nightmare he was currently living. Her heart ached for him, she found herself getting emotional at the very thought that James would be denied the purest form of love; a mothers love for the rest of his life. However Lily in her most unguarded time of day; that period between wakefulness and sleep thanked merlin that _her_ father was still alive. However the very guilt from those thoughts forced her dreams into places she'd rather not visit again in her lifetime.

Nothing was known about what was occurring at the Potters home, not until Wednesday morning when Sirius returned to Hogwarts sporting a rather brilliant black eye. The boy barely mumbled a hello as he dropped a handful of letters onto the table in front of his friends before he turned and left the hall.

"What the hell?" Marlene muttered as she sifted through the letters for the one baring her name.

No one said anything, but an exasperated Remus and concerned Peter shared a very pointed look before reaching for their own mail.

"The last one is for you Lily," Dorcas muttered, passing her a white envelope with her name written clearly in familiar writing.

_Lily,_

_As I'm sure you can imagine things here at home are god-awful._

_My dad sits in his reading room all day long, staring out the windows barely paying any attention to the goings-on around him. I don't know how to help him. He's lost the love of his life, his best friend, the very person who has kept him alive for so long. _

_I've been planning the funeral service and it will be held Friday evening at sundown. That was always mums favorite time of day. Is there any chance you and the others can make it? _

_Miss you,_

_James _

_p.s. If Sirius is a jerk to you or the others, jinx him for me will you? _

Lily looked up from her letter feeling if possible, slightly warmer yet heavier. It was reassuring reading the letter, written in his familiar hand. But it was as if James had passed on a couple of his burdens to her through his note. Burdens she was more than willing share.

"Did anyone get an explanation about Sirius' face?" Peter asked at random.

Remus shook his head

"Nope" Marlene added scrutinizing her letter

Peter looked to Lily who shrugged. "I'm supposed to jinx him if he's a jerk, whatever that means."

"They've had another fight," Remus murmured, exhausted and pale.

"Another?" Lily muttered to herself, attempting to remember any quarrels between the inseparable pair.

"They've had a couple this year, mostly James refusing to go along with the shit Sirius comes up with. 'Using levicorpus on the first years and Professor Sinistra during an astronomy class held on the tallest tower. Blowing up all the girl's lavatories and charms that make the Slytherins sound like snakes are hissing whilst they talk.' Mainly just the things that involve singling out and picking on the younger kids and the Slytherins. Things that disrupt the general day to day running of the school. '" Remus enlightened her, having heard her soft question. "Most of the time it stems into an argument about how James is 'chicken' or getting 'old and boring' which of course pisses James off and makes Sirius even more self-righteous. Anyway," Remus paused with a sigh. "It looks like James refused to take Sirius' shit this time. That's one impressive shiner he was sporting…"

The group fell into a silence. The mood somehow even more subdued than it had been in the face of the unknown. 'It's scary' Lily thought to herself. 'That in these hard times, with all the strain of family breakdown, death and with Lord Voldemort beginning to step up his attacks on the community, that friendships like the one James and Sirius share can so easily crumble.'

Standing up abruptly, not willing to be alone with her thoughts any longer, Lily barely waved goodbye before scurrying out of the hall. She found herself heading in the direction she saw Sirius take when he stormed out. She had no idea what she was planning to say to him so it was unfortunate when she rounded a corner on the first floor corridor to see the very man she was looking for sitting in an alcove, smoking, and glaring at passersby. As if he was daring them to reprimand him.

Lily stopped in front of him, an eyebrow raised.

"What," Sirius snarled, taking a long drag from his cigarette and puffing out the smoke at a frightened pair of Huffelpuff first years who scurried away, one coughing loudly.

Lily felt anger well up inside of her. "Sirius Black. Put that cigarette out right this instant. You are breaking so many school rules right now, not to mention that you're menacing children who have just as much a right to be here as yourself."

Sirius scoffed loudly, waving his cigarette at her. "Just as much a right?" he sneered, "so are you telling me everyone in this castle is homeless, because I swear, last I knew that was just me!"

Lily gaped open mouthed at Sirius.

"Bugger off Evans," Sirius said cruelly as he took one final drag of his smoke, before tossing the butt onto the stone floor and lighting up a new one.

Lily was torn. Part of her wanted to rip Sirius a new one. Yell at him. Exhaust all her grief, anxiety and frustration on him, because she could. However, something was terribly wrong with the normally feisty, upbeat Gryffindor. And considering the circumstances, that his friend's mother had just died, and that he seemed to be claiming a homeless status Lily just sighed imperceptibly and moved to sit next to him. Sirius froze momentarily as she sat, relaxing slightly as she made no move to attack him or his precious cigarettes.

"Sirius…" Lily begun after minutes of the pair just sitting in silence, watching curious students walk past. "What do you mean you're homeless?"

Sirius pursed his lips. "That's not really any of your goddamn business is it Evans?" he replied.

Lily watched him, noticing that as he attempted to ignore her, a certain sadness shone through his entire being. He appeared depressed, beaten down, lonely. Lily didn't know Sirius all that well, but this behaviour was unlike anything she'd ever seen from being in classes with him for almost 6 years. She'd heard random stories from Remus during patrol about some of Sirius' 'foul moods' and had seen the boy angry and outraged many times, but this was most definitely the first she'd ever seen him act like this.

"No it's not my business," Lily replied eventually with a sigh. "But, your attitude is rubbing off on everybody, and whilst you might be going through something awful right now, let me tell you Black – that you are even more selfish than I thought if you think that you are the only person in the world with problems."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius replied, once more with enough snark to rival a hormonal 15 year old girl.

Lily finally snapped. "Yes. There is a war brewing Sirius, peoples families are dying and our world is slowly falling to pieces."

"Oh I suppose that because you're a muggle born who can hardly walk from class to class without getting sneered at you think you can understand what I am going through!"

Lily was seething. "Firstly, I don't even know WHAT you're going through – as you won't tell me! And secondly, I have a lot more issues that bullying from Voldemort supporters to worry about."

Sirius was still glaring resolutely away from Lily as he smoked, so she took a deep breath and came clean in the most honest way she had since her return to Hogwarts.

Fueled by her anger it all came tumbling out of her mouth. "My Dad is on his deathbed Sirius. He probably won't be alive come Easter. Not only that but the way in which things have happened to James' family this past week has only terrified me more as I now know what's coming! On the other hand, my sister is marrying a whale of a muggle in September which I haven't technically been invited to as they both hate me. Oh and yes, it does suck, constantly being glared at or creepily stalked through the halls of the castle. It especially brings back wonderful memories of when I was almost raped over the Christmas break." She finished sarcastically.

Sirius finally turned to look at her as she slapped a hand over her face at what she had actually admitted to him. As Sirius gaped at Lily momentarily she turned away from him, lifting her head high and refusing to let herself cry in front of him.

"See," she managed to murmur her voice thick with emotion. "Not only your life sucks."

He nodded morosely, finally stubbing out his cigarette.

It took a few minutes for Lily to begin calming herself down, and by the time she had almost managed the seemingly unbeatable task, Sirius had begun talking. Pouring out his own waterfall of emotions on her.

"My parents confronted me over the summer holidays about severing my alliances with all my friends in Gryffindor. They told me it was time to start acting like a mature member of the noble house of Black should. They wanted me to begin preparing myself for joining up with Voldemort's supporters and I just… I refused. We had a heated argument, even my brother, Regulus, got involved. My parents have always been supporters of his cause and hoped that my brother and I would help make our family name proud. I refused, Regulus kept asking me 'why? Why I just wouldn't do it for them, for him, for the family!' and I couldn't stand it any longer, couldn't stand how they had brainwashed him, how they tried time and time again to do things that are so justifiably wrong!" Sirius heaved a huge sigh before continuing quietly. "I packed up and left within the hour. Moved to James' house. The Potters took me in. I'd been staying with them for the majority of school breaks since second year, but that event made it official. I heard through the family grapevine that my mother even blasted me off the family tree, an honor she reserves only for a select few family members who go against the grain."

There was silence between the two. "And now," Lily croaks, tired from the day's events already. "Now you and James have had a fight. And you feel as if you belong nowhere." She finished for him. He gave her a nod of confirmation before slumping back against the wall.

"Are you still going to the funeral?" she asked, as she eventually stood up from the alcove, surreptitiously rubbing her sore bum. Sirius leaned forward heavily, looking unsure. "I don't think so Lily. I loved Mrs. Potter more than my own mother, but I can't face James right now. And he made it quite clear that if either of us has the right to mourn her, it's him. She was _his_ mother after all."

The air was thick around them. "Think about it." Lily eventually replied. "You have a few days before the funeral, and no matter how hard it might be to face James after whatever fight went on between you, you'll regret not being able to say goodbye to Mrs. Potter."

"Dorea." Sirius corrected. "Her name was Dorea."

Lily smiled softly. "Well I'm sure she, Dorea, would want you there. It sounds as if you were something of a second son to her."

Sirius looked up to Lily with a pained, grateful smile. "Thanks," he murmured. "I'll think about it."

"You'd better! At this stage the only way I'll physically be able to go to a funeral is if someone drags me there. And honestly, I think James needs our support. Even if neither of us are in any position to be much comfort."

Sirius sent her a sly smile. "Oh I dunno Evans." He mocked her as he stood from the alcove and stretched. "That little kiss you gave him on the weekend cheered him up more than you'd imagine for someone whose mother just died."

"Oh shut up Sirius!" Lily groaned. "And I have it from the source himself that James is no longer interested in me."

"Bollocks," was Sirius' joking reply as he slung a brotherly arm around her shoulder and steered them towards the common room. "That man is a masochistic liar!"

…

The funeral was a blur to Lily.

The group floo-ed from professor McGonagall's office after classes on Friday, with strict instructions to return by lunch the next day. James greeted them all with a tight smile and distracted eyes. However, Sirius who they had managed to drag along was surprised to be greeted with a hug from James.

"Dad and I want to ask you to sit with us up front. It's what my mother would have wanted."

"I-" Sirius faltered, looking uneasy. Lily kicked him in the shins discreetly and raised her brows pointedly when he turned to her.

"Sure." He eventually muttered, nodding his head in support before the group moved away so James could welcome more guests.

Following the flow of the many family and friends of Dorea Potter, they moved outside to where chairs were set out in the magnificent grounds surrounding her home.

The sun had begun its crawl towards the horizon when the ceremony started. Upon James' insistence, the group had ended up settled into the second row. Lily who was seated right behind James felt her eyes wandering to him throughout the service. His initially rigid position appeared to sag as the memorial wore on. After his father gave a short tribute to his mother, Lily who had been paying more attention to James than the service itself, noticed his shoulders begin to shake slightly. The worried side glance she saw Sirius shoot in James' direction was enough proof to her that he had finally succumbed to his emotions. She reached out her hand, resting it on his shoulder atop his crisp black robes and squeezed in what she hoped was a supportive manner.

She felt him start beneath her hand before taking a huge, shuddering breath. Lily squeezed his shoulder again, and was about to retract her hand when one of his came up to catch hers tightly. Their hands clung together until the celebrant stood and directed the family to make their leave.

…

The Gryffindors stood aside during the wake, those who were closer to Mrs. Potter sharing a story or two. Eventually Peter and Dorcas, went on a hunt for free food, whilst Remus, Hestia and Marlene caught up with their parents who'd come for the service, making Lily's heart throb in jealousy.

Lily and Sirius however, ended up sitting in a bay window, watching the affair unfold. "You glad you came now?" Lily eventually murmured to him.

"Don't get me wrong, I hate funerals" Sirius begun, "but it would have been wrong for me to miss it. Despite whatever limbo of a fight James and I are still in." he finished softly.

Lily quirked a small smile. "I know the feeling; I still haven't apologized for biting his head off last week, despite him just trying to be a good friend."

"Yeah, although showing up when times are tough, more than make up for your behaviour." James said as he inched toward them out of the crowd.

"Thanks for coming guys." He muttered, struggling to make eye contact.

Sirius gave a manly cough before nodding. Standing up he shook James' hand tightly with a gruff "no problem" before he meandered away.

Lily stood to face James, and he straightened himself up to look at her. The moment she saw the pain swirling in his warm brown eyes she moved close to him and wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. He hesitated slightly, his hands coming up to rest on her arms, before running across her shoulders and holding her even tighter to him. James practically engulfed her in his arms as he held her in the tightest hug she'd ever received in her lifetime. Slowly, she moved a hand up to the nape of his neck, to cradle his head down to her shoulder. James felt jittery in her arms, as if he was containing a swirl of unexpressed emotion that was just waiting to be let out.

From where his head was buried in her neck he thanked her for coming again. For managing to get Sirius to come. For being there for him despite the jerk he has been to her recently and in the past. As he talked Lily could feel his breath on her neck and occasionally his lips as they moved, and the sensation made her feel warm. The intimacy of being encased in his strong arms, surrounded by his scent and feeling him breathe in more ways than one was at first comforting. Until it became confronting. Lily pulled back with a hesitant smile.

James gazed at her unabashed as she blushed slightly. James let out a long, steady sigh. "I'm really glad you're here Lily." He murmured.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She replied with a smile that seemed braver than she felt on the inside.

He smiled at her before heading off to find his father.

* * *

**Hiya! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I'm already working on the next so please let me know what you think and I'll try and pump it out ASAP! Thanks again so much to the people who leave such kind reviews! It really does motivate me to keep writing, knowing that even just 1 person will enjoy something I've been working on. **


	7. Chapter 7

After the wake, the Gryffindors found spare rooms and went to bed. After hours of lying awake, unable to escape the thoughts of another funeral she'd have to attend sometime soon, Lily got up.

Walking around the large Potter estate Lily realized she wasn't the only person struggling to rest.

Lily found James hunched forward on a sofa in his mother's parlor. His face buried deep in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly.

Not saying a word she sat down next to him. With her hip and legs touching his she could feel his sobs as they wracked his body. "James…" Lily murmured when a chocking noise escaped his lips. Her voiced soothed him momentarily, and the arm she reached around his shoulders helped him to take a deep shaky breath. Not knowing what to say Lily squeezed him tighter. The funeral, whilst devastating for James, was unfortunately forcing Lily to think selfishly about her own familial situation. She understood with a painful realization that no words would do anything to help James. His mother was dead. Nothing could bring her back to him.

…

"Lily" James eventually croaked sometime around 5am. "When's the last time you spoke to your dad, received a letter from him?"

Lily thought, her brain foggy from exhaustion and at the mention of her father, pre-meditative grief. "I've only received one letter from him since we've been back from the Christmas break." Lily murmured. "My mum normally writes something from him, 'your dad says hello, he hopes your subjects are going well, he loves you very much.' But that's all I get these days. He's too weak to even write me letters," Lily whispered as a few tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm insanely worried that I've seen him for the last time, that by the time I go home for Easter, he will have already passed away."

The pair was silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. "But…" Lily eventually says with recognition, "that's not important right now. It's your parent that has just died, I don't need to be dragging you down deeper with my tragic problems."

James looked at her, startled and said with conviction. "Do not say that Lily. If anything, what has happened to my mother has only reinforced in me how important it is to tell our loved ones that we love them, to be there when they need us and to spend time with them whilst we can."

Lily gaped at James, stunned by the turnaround in his mood, from 'depressed unanimated James', to this version of James that Lily knew a bit better. The determined man with a plan.

"Let's go see your dad." He said abruptly

Lily gaped at him, "what – now?"

"Yes, you're away from school, you don't need to be back until lunchtime. Let's go spend the morning with your dad."

"But… don't you need to be here with Sirius and your dad?" Lily replied softly.

"What I _need_ Lily is to see some happiness. And even if it's only for a couple hours, seeing you spend time with your dad will be more of a comfort than anything I'm getting here. Besides, if memory serves correctly, I'm the only one of us who has managed to learn how to apparate."

A spark of indignance rose in Lily despite the situation. "Hey! It'd be a lot easier if that Twycross man wasn't such a frustrating instructor."

"Whatever Lily, let's go."

"What, no, you can't be serious? You haven't passed your test yet!"

"I've been able to apparate since our second lesson and haven't splinched myself yet!"

"James," Lily said softly, "your mother just died."

James flinched slightly. "Let's just say that that's only increased my deliberation and determination to get you to your destination. So – meet me in the foyer in 5 minutes, we're going to go see your dad!"

After a moment's hesitation, quelled by the serious, determined look in James' eyes and the innate pull towards her family, Lily raced to her guestroom, changed out of her pyjamas and pulled her hair back roughly into a bun.

James was already waiting, dressed in a pair of jeans and a burgundy jumper. His rash idea, lighting a fire within him, had perked him up considerably. In that moment, Lily was glad she had agreed, not only because she'd soon see her father, but because agreeing had dramatically improved his mood.

They pulled their coats on, opting for a more muggle look despite the hour of day, and walked briskly to the boundaries of the Potter property.

"Hold on tight," James said, stopping abruptly, reaching out for her.

Lily made to grasp his left forearm, but James had another idea, as he wrapped her up snuggly in his arms. "Are you sure that's tight enough?" Lily murmured sarcastically, a slight flush rushing to her cheeks.

James merely held onto her tighter.

After a moment Lily whispered his name. "James?"

"Yeah?" he responded gruffly.

"Are you…" Lily begun with a small private smile, "are you going to apparate any time soon?"

"Give a man a minute," he joked before shuffling his feet so that they were firmly planted on the ground. "Cokeworth, right?" he asked.

"Yes, the south side near Spinners End." Lily replied. When she felt James nod, and hold her even tighter, she took a long deep breath and -

It felt like she was trapped on the 'cyclone: tilt a whirl' from the Cokeworth family fun fair of her childhood. Lily couldn't breathe, could barely see, and felt positively sick. All she knew to be true was that James was still firmly pressed up against her, his arms wound tight around her back.

Until… AIR! Fresh air whipped her hair, and she turned her head away from where it was nestled against James' neck to feel it on her face. Gulping in deep breaths, she looked up to see James staring at her cautiously.

"What?" she muttered

"Just checking you're still in one piece." He replied with a coy grin, stepping back from her.

Patting herself down surreptitiously, Lily nodded in relief, before giving James a quick once over. "Yep, you look fine."

He smiled tightly, before looking around at their dark surroundings. Lily however took a moment to reflect upon what James Potters flirty reply to her comment would have been only the week before.

…

"Do you know where we are?" James asked as he squinted towards a street sign that was too dark to read.

"Lumos" Lily uttered, shining her wand quickly over the signpost, before counteracting the charm, and placing it back in her pocket, keeping her hand tightly on the handle.

"Yes, we're close, let's go this way," she nodded to the left. They walked briskly down the footpaths, remaining close to one another in the dark streets.

All the houses looked the same to James. All of them packed tightly together in the dark, made a wary feeling creep up his spine. All of a sudden, James realised the situation he'd gotten them into. Here they were, two teenagers, walking in the dark during the middle of a war. Voldemort and his followers had been increasing in numbers and power over the past 7 years and now, here they were, prime targets. Sitting ducks. Walking through the dark, dingy suburbs of a muggle town at 5:30am. James stepped closer to Lily and pulled his wand out of his jacket pocket. Looking to Lily, he saw her gripping her wand tightly as they passed under one of the few street lights.

All of a sudden, Lily grabbed James' arm and tugged him up a group of steps and onto a porch, similar to all those surrounding it. Lily looked up and down the darkened street before pulling her wand out and tapping the door with a quick murmur of "alohamora." A faint 'click' later, and she was pushing the door open and pulling James into her home.

After shutting the door closed behind them, Lily sighed contently, releasing the tension that had built on her shoulders during both the walk through night time Cokeworth and the past few months of Hogwarts.

James looked around the immaculate foyer, noticing several framed pictures of what looked like Lily hanging on the floral wallpapered walls. As he was admiring the slice of insight into Lily that her family home provided, he noticed a light streaming out from under a door opposite the entrance way. He lifted his wand, and pointed Lily towards it.

Smiling hesitantly, Lily quietly headed to the family kitchen. One of her favourite spots to be when home. Growing up in this house, she enjoyed dinner at the kitchen table every evening. Giggling with Petunia, sitting on her dad's knee, eating her mum's fantastic food. Since turning eleven Lily enjoyed the countless cups of tea her mum would make her whilst listening about all the weird and wonderful things she did at Hogwarts. It was the heart of their home.

Knocking gently on the kitchen door, Lily murmured a soft "hello" as she pushed the door open. James right behind her, wand at the ready.

"Lily?" Evelyn Evans gasped in shock, dropping the fry pan she was holding in trembling hands over by the stovetop. "Oh sweetheart, it's you!" Mrs Evans gushed, rushing to give her youngest daughter a hug. "Oh I was so frightened when I heard the front door open! I thought we were being robbed." She gushed, as tears welled in her eyes.

Pulling herself away from Lily, she took her daughters face in her hands and appraised her. "What are you doing here darling?" Evelyn whispered, her eyes darting momentarily to James who was by the door.

Lily smiled wetly, as tears begun to fall from her eyes. "I missed you." she choked out. "And I'm so worried about dad!" She continued before falling back into her mother's arms and beginning to sob. James averted his eyes, allowing the two women some privacy in their reunion. He was easily distracted however by the frightening sight of a woman, in a pink nightgown, her blond hair curled up in rollers and a baseball bat in hand sanding at the top of a flight of stairs, just within his eyesight.

"Who the hell are you?" Petunia Evans thundered as she stalked down the stairs, waving the bat in her hands. "Get out of my house!"

Startled, James backed away, his hands raised up. That's when Petunia saw it. His wand.

"You FREAK!" she screeched. "What are you doing in my house!?"

By this point, Lily and her mother were rushing to get between James and Petunia.

"Tuney dear," Mrs Evans begun. "This is a friend of Lily's, Lily has come home to visit!"

Petunia scowled at the sight of her sister, then turned her glare onto James. "I don't like when they just wander into our house unannounced in the middle of the night mother!" she spat in contempt.

Sighing deeply Mrs Evans replied, "It's hardly the middle of the night Petunia, now, go put down that ridiculous bat, and join us for breakfast."

Petunia huffed, "no thank you." She replied snottily. "I'd rather go back to bed." At this, she turned around and stalked back upstairs.

"It's good to see you too, Petunia!" Lily called out to her sisters retreating figure, garnering no response.

The three stood in the foyer momentarily once she was gone before Mrs Evans shooed the two teens back into the kitchen.

"Now, breakfast." she announced, picking up the fry pan from the floor and pulling a carton of eggs from the pantry. "Sit down Lily, and don't forget to introduce me to your friend."

…

It was just about 8am when Lily heard the tinkling sound of her grandmother's old crystal bell, ringing from a room upstairs.

"Oh, that'll be your father Lily," Evelyn nodded to her daughter. "Why don't you go say hello before I help him get dressed."

Lily was up from her seat, and racing to her parent's room before her mother had even finished talking. Leaving James behind to be doted on by her mother who had already forced him into eating two servings of breakfast and shown off many embarrassing photos of Lily.

She knocked on the bedroom door twice before opening it with a cheerful "Hello dad! Surprise!"

When she didn't receive an answer, Lily cautiously moved closer to the bed where her father was nestled under the blankets. "Dad?" Lily asked warily.

"Lily?" her dad croaked, his eyes squinting open slowly. "Is that you my darling?"

"Yes daddy, it's me." She replied with a soft smile, reaching for his hand.

"I thought you were an angel here to take me away!" he exclaimed, not noticing how Lily paled so suddenly.

"No." Lily barely whispered, "I'm here just for the morning. I managed to get some time away from school, and a friend of mine helped me come visit you!"

"Oh," Harold croaked. "A friend?"

"Yes, James Potter, we're in a few classes together this year. He helped me come because…" Lily couldn't bring herself to tell her dad how and why she had raced home at the first opportunity, taking no caution for her safety. It would be something her father wouldn't appreciate with what he knew about the current wizarding climate. "… because he was also granted permission to leave school this weekend to visit his father."

"Ah." Harold paused. Lily could see him processing her story. If something could be said about Harold Evans, it was that his body was failing his mind, not the other way around. The barely 44 year old man was still as sharp as a tack. "And this 'James Potter', who I'm assuming is downstairs being force fed by your mother, is he the same James Potter who I recall you mentioning was an 'arrogant, immature toerag with no sense of decency or respect?'"

Lily blushed, looking away momentarily from her father's piercing gaze. "Unfortunately yes," she muttered making her father chuckle lightly. "But, in his defence, he has been a lot less annoying and rude this year. I think he might actually have moved on from being such a bloody idiot. So yes, the boy downstairs in our kitchen is the same James Potter I've been complaining about for years. But try not to judge him too harshly." Lily insisted.

Harold smiled a small smile, one full of affection for his youngest daughter. "You've got feelings for this boy."

Lily's eyes widened, she stuttered out a no, and then was interrupted by her mother pushing open the door. "Lily darling, I'll help get your father up now, how about you go downstairs and put the kettle on?"

Lily stood quickly, avoiding her dads knowing glance, and left the room.

Down in the kitchen however was a situation even more off putting than the conversation her father and her had just shared. Sitting at the head of the table, as far away as possible from an amused looking James was Vernon Dursley.

"Oh!" Lily said in surprise. "How are you Vernon?"

"Fine thank you," he grunted as Petunia who had entered the room right behind her glared at both James and Lily.

"Any chance for a spot of tea before we head off Petunia?" Vernon asked in a stilted tone, reminding her of the horrendous encounter they shared shortly after Petunia had told her fiancé Lily's secret.

"Of course darling," Petunia simpered, shooting Lily a glare and muttering, "I thought mother asked you to put the kettle on!"

Widening her eyes in silent outrage Lily stomped over to the sink, filled the kettle and placed it on the stove to heat.

The four sat in stony silence until the kettle begun to whistle. After a glare from Petunia, Lily stood to make the tea. It was as she did this that James decided to break the awkward tension.

"So…" he begun. "What are the two of you doing today?"

As James ignored a glare from Petunia, Vernon replied in annoyance. "Well if you must know, we are heading into London to book catering for our wedding. As well as meeting with our bridal party for lunch. The ladies I'm sure will wish to discuss the decorations and dresses. Us men will be planning my stag night."

James smiled coyly at Vernon's words, before looking to Lily who appeared irate. Directing his next question to Petunia he asked something he would later come to regret. "Why isn't Lily in your bridal party, I thought sisters were always included in those things?"

Lily shot him a hard glare as she sat down, placing the tea set on the table.

Petunia scoffed. "Well what would you know anyway? It's not like your kind would know what is normal at a proper wedding."

James raised his eyebrows. Clenched his teeth slightly, and took a sip of tea. Clearing his throat moments later he asked, "So when is the happy day?"

This question actually did drag something reminiscent of a smile onto Petunias face as she looked at Vernon, who was slurping his tea. "September ninth."

"Oh," James begun, shocked. "That'll be just after Lily returns to school."

"So? Why should I set my wedding to a date that fits in with that freaky school?"

"Maybe because she's your sister?" Lily kicked James under the table and glared at him.

"I'm sure it'll be a lovely time of year to have a wedding." Lily added, trying to diffuse the tension.

"Did you hear me asking for your opinion Lily? Please stop talking, I need to leave soon."

Lily pursed her lips, and poured herself another cup of tea to keep herself from cursing Petunia.

"Excuse me," James replied indignantly. "I think you owe Lily an apology, Petunia!"

Shocked, Lily looked up at James with wide eyes. "Don't James" she said firmly.

"No Lily," he said, his anger simmering on the surface. "You do not deserve to be treated this way! She is being verbally abusive right now, and I'm not sure how things normally are between you but it feels like these names she's calling you 'freak - your kind – not normal' are nothing new. So yes, she owes you an apology for being so rude, for practically excluding you from her wedding!"

As Petunia huffed in indignation and stood, turning to Vernon and hissing about freaks with sticks, Lily muttered to James, "it's her wedding, she's allowed to do it how she wants, and at this stage I'm still invited so at least that's something!"

"Oh don't get your hopes up!" Petunia snarled across the table. "You and your _boyfriend_ will not be welcome at any wedding of mine!" Grabbing her purse, Petunia turned and stalked out of the kitchen. The round, beady eyed Vernon following in her wake.

The front door slammed behind the couple, Lily flinching slightly at the sound. "Sorry," James muttered.

Lily sighed, "Its fine. I'm used to it unfortunately."

James reached out and squeezed her hands tightly. Lily turned to look at him. "Lily. Never let anyone speak to you like that again. You are too good a person to be treated that way."

Lily smiled softly, a few tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. "I normally do stand up for myself, but Petunia finds a way to wear me down every time. And I'm just too exhausted to fight with her theses days." Lily sniffed. "Sometimes I feel like she doesn't even care if I exist or not. As if the war could finally catch up with me and she would spend the rest of her life not caring I was once her best friend. Her sister"

Letting go of one of her hands, James reached up to wipe a tear that was rolling down her cheek. "I know it's hard, and I know how exhausting it is having a sick parent and the pressures of society on your shoulders. But you have to keep fighting Lily." James insisted, making eye contact with her as he wiped away more tears. "You _have_ to keep fighting!"

* * *

**Whoa! I updated in record time! Thanks so much to the lovely reviewers from my last chapter, and also to everyone who is following or has favorited this story so far! I'd like to get another chapter posted next Sunday... so please send in some reviews to motivate my laziness into productivity if you want an update! Thanks for reading xx :) **


	8. Chapter 8

James and Lily washed the teapot and china cups quietly after Petunia and Vernon stormed out. It was silent until the sound of Lily's parents were heard making their way downstairs. Lily dried the pot hastily before refilling the kettle and setting it to boil on the stove. There was some shuffling on the staircase and James, his brow furrowed, stuck his head out of the kitchen to investigate.

"Oh no, Mrs. Evans! You'll hurt yourself. Let me help!" James exclaimed as he hastened up the stairwell.

Confused, Lily followed James out of the kitchen to see her mother, arms wrapped around her father's middle, in the process of helping him walk down the stairs. The set up look precarious as her father wobbled forwards, and her mother grimaced as she tightly pulled Harold backwards.

"Oh, no thank you, James. We're fine." Evelyn Evans puffed, as her husband swayed again.

"Mum!" Lily exclaimed. "Let James help! He's completely right you are going to hurt not only yourself, but dad as well if you're not careful, these stairs are very steep!"

With a flush of chagrin on her cheeks, Evelyn nodded. James moved forwards and took hold of Mr. Evans, holding him firmly around his waist. As the pair made their way slowly down the stairs, Lily regarded her mother. Evelyn looked relieved, yet wary and exhausted. As James walked a shaky Harold into the Evans' lounge room, Lily took her mother aside.

"What is going on?" Lily exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

"Oh Lily, you know that your fathers health is declining." Her mother brushed off without actually explaining anything.

"Don't act like that mum!" Lily huffed. "All I know is that dad has been too sick to write me letters, and that everyone in this household seems to be tip toeing around the subject of his health."

Evelyn stared at her daughter in pity.

"And now, here I am, watching you having to physically carry him downstairs, and help him walk, shower, sit, stand. I knew he was quite unwell, but… I thought…"

Evelyn sighed and led her daughter towards a seat at the dining table. Lily sat down as her mother bustled around the kitchen, making tea. When she eventually returned with a cup for both Lily and herself she settled down beside her daughter with a heavy sigh.

"Lily. When you left at the end of your winter break, you knew that your father was quite sick. And I'm sure you've been coming to terms with it whilst away at school, but being here with him, and seeing the deterioration is a completely different aspect of his illness to wrap your head around." She said softly, holding Lily's trembling hand. "Your father is so very happy that you came to visit, but, it might have been best if you didn't. I have hoped I could shield you from all of this by not updating you often, because we both want you to remember your dad as the strong loving man he once was."

"You're wrong!" Lily said looking up from her cup and saucer. "All the secrecy has only made me more anxious. I understand he's dying mum! It's on my mind constantly. I want to be here to say a final goodbye to dad. Even if that means seeing him on his death bed."

Evelyn sighed and pursed her lips before looking her daughter straight in the eyes. "Ok," she said finally with a heavy voice. "I promise to keep you updated, and I will do my best to make sure you're around at the end."

"Even if it means pulling me out of school?" Lily probed.

"Yes, I can do that for you," she said with a soft smile, touching her daughter's hair lightly. "You're an adult now Lily. You can make these decisions for yourself. And I will do my very best to respect that."

…

With a 'pop' James and Lily apparated right in front of Potter manor. They both quickly glanced at the watch on Lily's wrist, then hastened into the property and up towards the front doors.

They were meters away when the elegant double doors swung open, revealing an unimpressed Charlus Potter in the entrance way.

With a frustrated glare pointed towards his son, Mr. Potter grumbled a displeased, "where exactly have you been?"

"Ah! Father!" James opened his arms wide in a greeting. "We've just been out for a stroll! Sniffing the spring flowers, enjoying the sunrise, visiting dying family. Just your average Saturday!" James continued with a smile in place for his unimpressed father.

"Lily was supposed to be back at school almost an hour ago James. But instead, you've been dragging her out of the safety of this house? Away from the protection of the wards? You are more than aware that your friends were only able to come to this …event… because I promised Professor Dumbledore that they would all remain in the safety of our home, and would return bright and early to school this morning!"

James' smile drooped as his father ranted, yet he took the opportunity to bite back the moment Charlus paused for breath. "My friends that were guests here for this _funeral_ are all safe and accounted for dad, unless Sirius blew up the kitchen again this morning. Also, not that you offered any sympathy towards Lily, but her father is very Ill and I wanted to make sure she got the opportunity to say goodbye." Lily flinched at the word 'goodbye' and James put a comforting arm around her shoulders as his voice grew harsh. "Thanks to you, I understand what it's like to not be allowed the simplest necessity of closure. Mum's been dead for a week now dad and I still don't understand why you didn't send for me earlier!"

Charlus stared at his son, mouth agape. "I-I…" he stuttered, looking shattered at his son's dressing down.

Lily pulled away from James and regarded the pair with worry and sympathy. "well, I'm already running late, I should get back to school before professor McGonagall sends out a search party for me." she spoke with forced levity in her voice, attempting a laugh at the end of her goodbye that sounded more like a huff of air.

James drew her into a tight hug. "I'll be back Monday morning." He whispered in her ear before pulling back and giving her a tight smile.

She turned to Mr. Potter and gave him a nod. "Thank you for your hospitality, I'm sorry for any inconvenience I might have been." As she walked off, she felt the heavy eyes of both men on her. At the bottom of the stairwell she faced them once more. "I'm very sorry for your loss," she muttered before heading upstairs to grab her belongings.

Lily flooed back to Hogwarts, landing in professor McGonagall's office only to be greeted by a displeased "Miss Evans!"

"Hello professor," Lily spoke warily.

"Would you care to inform me as to why you are more than an hour late in returning back to school?" when Lily remained silent, she continued. "Or perhaps why Peter Pettigrew told me some cock and bull story upon his arrival not long ago, saying - and I quote, 'Lily got carried away playing backyard Quidditch, and will arrive once she's showered!'" Lily groaned internally, grimaced yet made to nod and agree with the half-assed story when Mcgonagall continued. "Or perhaps you'd like to explain to me why I was notified by the ministry that underage magic, dissaparation even, was performed in Cokeworth twice this morning?" Lily went as still as a statue, hardly breathing. "Cokeworth… that's where your family lives, am I right Evans?" Mcgonagall leveled her with a stare that made it quite clear that refusing to answer wasn't an option.

"That's correct Professor, my parents do live there." She replied politely.

"Hmm, interesting. Would you have any idea why underage, illegal appartion would have occurred nearby your family home Evans?"

"No Professor, no clue whatsoever."

Her lips pursed. "Well, since you are late returning to school, without a viable reason as to why that is, you'll be sitting a week's detention Evans. Starting Monday, I could use your help grading some essays."

Lily swallowed back her groan of displeasure. "Ma'am, I tutor on Tuesday and Thursdays."

"Well I supposed you'd better find other times to help your students out Evans. I'll see you 6pm on Monday. Off you go!"

…

"Lily! I'm sorry, I know I said I'd help you out with your tutoring this week," a pale Remus apologized in transfiguration on Tuesday afternoon. "But I'm really not feeling well! I thought I'd be alright for tonight at least, but I feel quite Ill."

Lily rubbed her left temple firmly as Remus with his bloodshot, tired eyes begged her for understanding and forgiveness. "Remus… I was really counting on you."

"I'm sorry Lily, I just don't think it'll be best for me to be hanging around in the library all night helping kids with their homework. I wouldn't want to… infect… them or anything!"

Lily sighed. "I'm sorry. Of course not - you should really try and get some rest… You look exhausted."

Remus turned away from Lily to copy McGonagall's notes off the chalkboard. "I'll be fine in a few days." He muttered.

Lily looked at her friend thoughtfully, the bitter sound of his voice made her think otherwise.

When Lily arrived at Arithmancy, James was already seated at their usual table. Greeting him with a smile and a quick hello, she pulled out her supplies all the while thinking of which prefect she could beg to help out with her tutoring. Surely one of them would help her if she offered to cover one of their late night rounds of the castle.

As Lily was quickly becoming accustomed to a note appeared on her half of the desk only minutes after class started.

_What's gone and gotten a bee in your bonnet?_

**Bee: Remus Lupin's Illness, Bonnet: My tutoring responsibilities. Connect the dots.**

_Ah… was that tonight?_

**Tutoring? Yes – tonight and Thursday!**

_Ah yep… he won't be able to do either_

**Then why did he tell me yes on Saturday when I asked!**

… _he can't plan when he gets sick Lily!_

**Right… well… ok good point, but I wish he'd given me more warning! He gets sick often enough that surely he knew more than 6 hours in advance that he wasn't feeling well.**

_Somedays he's worse than others… it probably just creeped up on him._

_I can help you out if you need?_

**Uh, thanks but no thanks**

_Excuse me?_

**It's a nice offer Potter, but what experience do you have at anything that resembles responsibility.**

_Ouch – low blow Lily! But my experience would be that I'm smart! And I help you out all the time with Arithmancy, what's the difference?_

**You do not! I'm perfectly fine at Arithmancy. And yes, whilst you are smart don't you think you've got enough on your plate at the moment what with Quiddich and the sick friend and…**

_And the dead mother thing?_

**Sorry…**

_I'm free tonight until about 8pm. Let me help._

**Fine**

_Great – I'll get the details from you after class!_

Lily rolled her eyes before returning her attention to Professor Vector.

Lily had spent the entirety of her very short dinner break filling James in on the details of the students she was helping out. She made it very clear he was to help them with any spells they were struggling with, answer any questions they have pertaining to their coursework and help proofread their essays. He acted very blasé about the whole process which worried Lily as her students were only struggling little first and second years that really needed some support.

"Do you have this?" Lily asked him pointedly before she left for her detention.

"Yep," James grinned before shoveling a large mouthful of steak and kidney pie into his mouth.

"James, this is important to me. Do. You. Have. This?" she gritted out between her teeth.

He swallowed and turned to look at her seriously. "Yes Lily, I understand." James said softly, his hand landing on her knee. "I will do my very best to help them," He promised before giving her thigh a light squeeze. "Now go. You don't want to be late for detention – trust me!"

Lily walked up to her detention, slightly dazed at the intensity of their encounter. However, Professor Mcgonagall had her cleaning out all the animal cages in the classroom for the evening. Without magic. Going through the many cages of birds, ferrets, mice, beetles and spiders definitely forced her to concentrate on the task at hand.

When Lily was finally finished it was almost 10 o'clock. As she walked back to the common room she was shocked to hear the sounds of people walking up behind her. Thankfully they weren't exactly being quiet. Lily jumped into the first alcove she could find to hide. She was more likely to run into foe as opposed to friends at this time of night. Especially with the current climate of the wizarding world.

"It was good to stretch my legs before tomorrow!" a familiar voice carried down the hall.

"Yeah, it's always nice to have a warmup before Moony joins the party." Said another.

Lily gasped in relief. James and Sirius, they wouldn't hurt her.

"Do you think it's going to be a rough night? He seemed worse than normal today."

Lily paused just as she was about to make her presence known to the boys. What on earth were they talking about? A party? Rough night? Warmup? Lily hoped for Merlin's sake that they were not planning on throwing another one of their famous common room parties. Especially midweek! She would have to report them if they did. Even if they were becoming friends!

The pair continued, "well statistics from the past have shown that his condition-" James was cut off abruptly but a hiss from Sirius. Lily stepped back further into her alcove.

"What?" she heard James mutter quietly as he crouched down behind a suit of armor with Sirius.

"Something on the map moved, there's someone nearby… Lumos." Sirius whispered in the darkness.

"Lily?" the pair said in unison with identical tones of shock and curiosity.

Lily swore to herself moments before their wary, innocent faces popped into her once amazing hiding spot.

"Heyyyyyyy," Sirius smiled. "Fancy seeing you here!"

James extended his hand to her and pulled her out into the corridor with them as Lily glared at Sirius. "What are you two doing!" she hissed as they made their way up to Gryffindor tower. "Do you know what time it is? It is so past curfew, if you were wondering."

"Well that's not stopped you from lurking about the halls at night, Evans." Sirius replied as James stuffed something into his pocket.

"I had a detention that only just finished. Plus I'm a prefect. I'm well within my rights to be here… you two on the other hand are definitely up to something." Lily whispered fiercely, glaring at the boys. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't give you a detention for being out past curfew!"

"We can't," Sirius said rolling his eyes. "Besides it's not like THAT'S really going to happen!"

"Oh really?" Lily fumed. "Why don't you think I won't give you a detention for tomorrow night after what I just heard? It'd make so much sense to just separate you all for the evening!"

They both paled. "Lily, what did you hear?" James asked with wide eyes.

"I'm not 100% sure but it sounds like you're throwing a party tomorrow, and I'm sure you understand why I can't let that just happen. And here I was thinking the two of you were starting to grow up."

The pair visibly relaxed.

"We're not throwing a party tomorrow," Sirius grinned, "we're just... Why did you think we were having a party" He looked at Lily in confusion.

"You literally said the word party, Sirius. Also the whole 'rough night' thing kind of implied that there would be alcohol involved."

Sirius looked at James with wide eyes that Lily found suspicious.

"We are… um, planning to take Peter out for a jog, which you know could be a bit of a struggle because he doesn't really exercise a whole lot… " James supplied as the fat Lady swung forward without even asking for a password, merely rolling her eyes at the sight of James and Sirius.

Lily turned to face them in the middle of the common room. "Am I really supposed to believe that?" She eventually asked.

"Well we're certainly not having a party tomorrow if that's what you're worried about!" Sirius admitted.

Lily turned to James.

"Please, don't give us detention Lily." He pleaded with a smile just for her.

After a few seconds of hesitation she nodded and uttered, "Fine!" both boys grinned at each other in relief before coming to hug her. "You're the best Lily!" Sirius said loudly as he spun her around before high fiving a confused 5th year and bounding up the stairs to the boys dormitories.

"Thanks Lily," James whispered pulling her tight against his chest. She wound her arms around his back tentatively and didn't let go until they both heard Sirius call loudly down the stairs for James to come up.

They parted with shy smiles as James promised that a party was the last thing on their mind.

* * *

**heyyyyy... so I know it's been a super long time since I've updated, In my defense I went on an overseas trip for 5 months but i'm really hoping to get back into this story! I know this chapter might have seemed a little shaky as I'm getting back into it after so long, but if you want me to continue, please leave me a review or something so that I know this story still has some semi-interested readers! Thanks!**


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